It's almost a year since I've been here. That long huh. I stopped coming here because I had you. But all I can think of now as I return back here, is how much I miss you. "Don't go..." was what came out on lonely nights. =) Take care my dear. Love, Me.
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Strange that it seemed, after so long, I've come to forget this place that I'd used to spend so many nights; Aligning the smallest details to perfection, sourcing the most evocative pictures, and handpicking only the best opensource codes for. It was through rei's livejournal, that I saw my bloglink. As I clicked on my name, a familar blue hue shrouded my screen. And flowers popped up. I could almost smell the scent of those white flowers. I peered at the last entry, a sense of guilt creeping onto me as I expected it to be ancient. But hey, to my surprise, it ain't THAT long ago... haha. Felt a little better. I can just dust off the cobwebs by blowing. *pff pff* Truth be told, I've been afraid to blog. I am afraid to face my feelings. To crystalize them into words, you first have to figure them out. And I'm afraid to even prep for that procedure. Yeah, indeed, I use such surgical terms simply because its like a surgery to me. Of me. It's like cutting myself ...
The Everyday. It didn't wait for us. It catches us unawares from time to time, especially during small talk with friends we haven't had time to meet up with for the longest period of time. Some reminiscences are easier than others; We giggle and tear at the fond memories when someone brings it up. Some others are more difficult, and we realise we'd chosen to forget by choice. And it is then you understand how much it(those memories) has affected you, even if you didn't feel it that time. It's been... 3 years and counting since the closure of our youth. When people around gets ahead of you, you start to wonder when you'll ever catch up. I see them married. Albums after albums put up on facebook. The one that truly got to me, was news that my little beautiful one was joining the bandwagon. I am thankful she invited me amongst so little others. Despite the difficult circumstance that brought upon the marriage, the upside was, she deserves to be happy. And I think h...
The Second is the nearest. Under YL's recommendation, I went to visit Ashley's fb photo for her pre-wedding shoot photos. A wonderful array of furniture, setting, and beautiful balance of simplicity that warms up the heart. Something not too modern, but at the same time a vivid reminder through the digitalized effects that times (Technology) is no longer as it was. You know how sometimes when you look at bridal shoots, sometimes there would be cool pics where the ppl don't smile at all? In her photos, there's brilliant smiles splashed all over. It kinda makes up for the simple dress and veil. And it really makes the people viewing the photos feel her joy in stepping into the next phase of her life. And I truly feel happy for her. Which is why I'm attending her wedding at fullerton coming 5 Dec, though I know the angpao is going to set me back by quite a big sum (its fullerton!)...I still want to go and breathe in some of the sweetness of this bliss. Then, probably b...
You.Me.Us? I needed you yesterday...but I sensed you needed to unwind after a day of stress. So I let you go join them for a drink, with encouraging words...and heavy breathing as I struggled to control my tears. I needed you tonight... but I sensed your urge to join them. So I let you leave, with a smile on my face...and pain in my limbs as I waved you goodbye. I'll need you tomorrow...but I know something will happen too. So I answered your question "Will I see you tomorrow?", with "Probably not, you're so busy"...and hope that you will say something like "I'll try?" But.....like in all things in life... Hopes are like wishes. You can never get what you wish for. That's why it keeps us hoping.
Pretty flowers I'd made up my mind to get an apartment, perhaps a condo, by myself. I don't think the whole apply-for-hdb-with-your-spouse thingy's gonna work for me, purely because I'm not the kind who can stay cocksure of things between a r/s while the contractors take their time building the flat. And neither do I want to be exiled to the tip of the island at Sengkang or Puonggol. So after making up my mind, I was happier. Even though it meant that pp will have no obligation to share that apartment/life with me ten years down the road. But at least I had a backup plan to take care of myself. =) However, recently I see little changes in our r/s. Subtle touching changes. Pp just told me how much he's saving/investing each month. He just shared his deliberation of sticking to riding bikes in the long term. He pointed out that perhaps I could try using "I think" instead of being so sure of what I was saying each time (even though I was smoking my ass throug...
Wedding bells - Had dinner with pp's friends today. Last I saw them was during one of their proposal party to the gf. T'was also on the same event that I found out from another of his friend's gf that they were also planning to get married. And today, the update was they had already held their Registry, and the actual wedding in Nov. So there we are, a table of 5: a married couple, a to-be-married male...and pp and I. The evening inevitably opened into the topic of wedding preparations, comparing their choices of bridal packages etc. I just felt...crestfallen. Sad because I couldn't ask questions like "so how much is an average package these days?" nor "which hotels are the more popular choices" without them asking when our turn is. At least this time the bride-to-be was kind enough to ask it with gentle words "So any plans for the 2 of you yet?" and subtly whispering the qn to me (thank you). If she had opened up the qn to the table, I re...