~ Ephemeral Visage ~

With you I see This new world unfolding Ahead. With them I taste The old world dying Beside. You ask why I walk by them no more They ask why I cling to you for more He asked why he saw me no more While alas, I'm following my heart Once more. Paying tribute to the dying embers of 2006, this year has been a year of unexpectations. Hope the next would be better with better nurturing, but the way I see it.. things are just going to get more complicated. Stay close people. The storm is coming.

It's once again the season of turkey, spikey plants and mucho mucho rain. "I hate decembers..." e said. Haha.. au contrau, this year's wet season holds mixed feelings for me. And im confused. But its ok...its always good to be confused. Just finished a few parties in view of christmas, kinda tired already, and surprised to realise that after all that partying, xmas is actually still not here yet. Bleah. Went GrapeVine at serangoon to have xmas dinner last night. The oyster was fantastic... I'll give it 4/5. Other than finger food, main courses were special too.. like the chicken thigh stuffed with mushroom that i had. I was trying to figure out how they removed the drumstick bone and replaced with all those mushrooms instead. While it is still raw (its hard to remove bones from uncooked meat) Shall show the pics of these cuisines once I set up my lappy with my phone. Saw a trailer that channel 5 showing Love, Actually today. It reminded me of the time we were wa...

Well well well. Its been... 4 days since I've got my lappy from Sitex fair. Quite unexpectedly, I have in possession....... a Samsung X11! hehe. Well I know I wrote about getting the lenovo in my previous entry, but when I got there on Sunday the price they offered me during Fri was no longer withstanding, and also after trying out my Samsung model I figured I could live with the weight. Plus design was much sleeker, and thinner. =) I'm a sucker for aesthetics. hahaha... So here is how my lappy looks like.... lalalalala~ So happily I was scouting for ms office for lappy....(oh i wanna mention that office 2007 is so cool! So mac, so visual!) and also to fix my router so as to use my upgraded internet plan(upgraded to get discount for smart TV set top box). So far everything seems nicely in place for the full usage launch for my lappy. THEN.... came the good news that our little red dot going wireless around e island!!! Oookay... luckily when I checked my house is not in one of t...

Life moves on for everyone... just at times you feel that others around you seem to be tiding by so much faster than your own. Other times, when you're ahead of everyone else, you look back and see your friends, and they'll tell you just how much you've changed; your hair, figure, style--- they'll wonder at your accesories, new boyfriend, and even your work. We alternate from staying ahead of everyone, and taking a step back, from time to time depending on mood, opportunites and ability. It's simply impossible to stay ahead all the time; And neither is it rational to be leading a life too slowly: You'll soon find that the years you clock can be put into better use. Life for me...follows a sine curve. After a spurt of activity, I crave for a break, and all else slows down. Then everything begins again. By choice. I wonder if this is healthy-- to alternate your mind and body too quickly before it can adapt. But I guess its how I pacify my intolerance for routine. ...

Was at the Sitex fair yesterday... Crowded as expected, but still not as bad as it would be at the last day. Woefully I'll be going back tml to a much sizeable crowd to claim my lenovo v100.... to replace my darling HP laptop whose demise was declared officially a week ago. All I have to do now (hopefully) is to convert my Hp hardisk into a portable hardisk... then transfer everyth into my new lappy! Sounds simple yeah? But trust me it took me a while to decide on what I really wanted. haha..... Kinda amazed that I would even look at, much more decide on Lenovo actually.... given that its a china brand, kinda new, and i detested IBM's outlook. But given its platform being based on IBM's virtually indestructible lappy manufacture, hard disk crashes shld be the least of my concern. The main contributing factor would be that it didnt look like any IBM lappy (u noe with the red trackball button and 2 horizontal strips on touchpad mouseclicks) =) Knowing me, I chose the sleekest...

The truth is.... as I've realisd last night through a haunting conversation, that these few mths of content and founded security, were naught but a conjured and misled fantasy. I thought it's there finally -- the avenue of where I could say anything, show every different personality archetypes of me to, because of the bond between us. Yet after last night... I realised, all he wants, or don't want, is just the same as all others before him. Just perhaps not as directly obvious. Cuz he'd tried, at least. To take it in. But I guess it was just too much to ask for. And coupled with anger, it gave him the voice to put it plainly, and all I heard was his words merging with words from those before him, and the familiar shattering of so-close-to-reality dreams. As I close my eyes and cried myself to sleep, I heard wei's voice: "Has it ever occured to you that I don't want to know, nor be part of what happens in your life? So stop telling me about it. Tks." I...

Simply too tired these days; it seemed the mind has given up. The rusty hinges creak reluctantly whenever I flip open the newspapers, and words dont flow as easily even for msn chats. And as with all systems, when the main OS is diseased... life slows down. Immensely. Incredulously. Imminently. I look around; People're moving on even faster than before --- I watch their dust in my face but just cant seem to force my steed any faster. Finally I lie defeated, amidst my blanket folds. Too tired to even wrap myself against the cold. I know its wrong to allow for this slumber And so I thought of songs By my all-time wonder Listening to::// Robbie's croonings on my MD/ Works like salve to my aching soul. Was just looking back at my year's rag photos. Not sure what compelled me to click on the links, but it was pretty heart warming reminiscing the hugs, laughter and fun-filled banters amongst us all. We were one hardworking army, whipped on by slave-driver bel, pressured by joy an...

It's all about you -- as usual the roads were cold the path unlit... to your little party you held a dozen yards from our painful haunt. your eyes so cold words were few... as you saw me yet and i wonder what is it you saw -- me, or your past, or what i like to call, our history. i sense your discomfort it hinges on your throat parched it so dry i could smell that rancid fear your instincts took it irritated you to know or discover just why you couldnt bring yourself to do the act so foul... to talk to me i know, i sensed, i could see it so much clearer than you just like everything yet again before. we both know the reason for this invitation shrouds of friends you juggled a commanding host art thou "its my party" you thought "I wanna make it go the way others shld've done" that arrogance and stubborn faith so much remains, so very unchanged until once more you see it's hard to make things the way you thought is smart then you rejudge those hosts again ...

Anniversary~ wooh. It's been 6mths since, and it's been a wonderful journey. Got pp a cashcard with our picture (on the right) taken at raffles hotel some time back during horizon's performance... and i must say the spore mint has done a good job in terms of printing quality, as well as efficiency. Hee... Just celebrated my birthday... in a nice quiet way, and so heartwarming to know that my friends remember my birthday without me throwing a big party like past years to remind them of it (of cuz friendster did play a part in reminding them im sure) hahaa... so kudos to these peepz who remembered: (takes a deep breath) Kitty, Meowzy, Ernie, Grace, Coreen, Wei, Kaili, Hongda, Kangwei, Liz, Qinlei, Wendy, Bubbles, Professor, Desmond, Wanfu, Yuanz, Weiwei, Emily, Mitmit, Grandoter, Weihao, Liyangz.brother, Yan....(pant pant pant) And not forgetting those who sprang a surprise party on me and liyang during orluar's farewell party at Blooie's: Seok, Huixiang, Xiaohao, Hon...

Werk werk. Famous words of the peon. Found work. And time kinda speeds past. So quickly... it's been almost 2 weeks since i jumped on the first job interview of my life, and so very quickly it's been endless days of approaching strangers on the street, asking them to share your passion in helping the children. Sometimes its mentally tiring to wake early each morn, smile at everyone when u reach the office, look enthu during the prep time before despatching for work venues, AND... the hardest--- waiting for the hrs to pass before u can finally rest ur aching feet. I guess the pay's not too bad, but some would say its not enough to compensate for the physical demands to my body. Not to mention the little time left to do things I used to enjoy doing. Now there's not even much time to do exercise.... and so the idea of signing up for a weekly leisure yoga class grows even more tempting. But i do wonder if im still able to do yoga after being on my feet a whole day. This co...

It was never my wish to be her. Nor anyone. I've always believed myself to be unique, back since I was of tender age. T'was like a feeling that I'm not like the rest. And my beliefs grew together with this. So when I heard those words said...of how uncannily similar I am to her, there was a rush of pettiness, a tug of hurt, and maybe some sprinkle of fire pepper. It staked the pride through and through. How the similarities freak you out, you say... examples raised of stuff we say, even to the degree of using the exact same words. Indirectly, I felt you had condemned us to the same ending without giving things a chance to veer the other direction, by believing that I was (just like) her. Took a while to snub the bitter aftertaste...and happily forgotten. Also things were alright for a while... Until I saw the folded hearts. I fold hearts. It's unique to me cuz that particular fold is difficult. I fold them well. There were more, like messages and cards and stuff...but I...

Lately time flitters past. Getting real tired just keeping up. Had an outing with kitty, rei and ryan the other night. The plan was to hit Mambo, but the queue drove us to Cafe Iguana instead. T'was the first time I visited the place frankly, though I'd always admired the skeletal reptile on the banner each time I cross the bridge to 7-11. Surprisingly the place was pretty empty, probably cuz its a wed night. But then again I thought wed nights should be more happening anywhere else... or maybe it's just for clubs. Not a bad place at all... known for their margaritas, though I have no idea why. The lime house marg rei had wasn't too bad, and ryan's banana boogie woogie (reminded me of kueh lapis though) too. =D Had fun just lazing and chatting till late. Oh and I finally got the presents Nanny and Cleaner sent back! So that's one more funky tshirt in my wardrobe, and a tulip candle cleaner got while in holland. I wanna go holland one day to see those windmills ...

Sometimes we get only one chance to say what we wish to. And many a times, it comes out wrong, especially for stuff that means much more. Despite knowing this, there's still a crushing feeling when you're at the receiving end where a part of you doubt that this is what he meant at face value; There may be factors contributing to why he's not saying what you think he might (really) mean. But then again you might just be a foolish optimist-- it's really so. He doesn't care that he hurts you, or he cares more not to hurt himself. Getting cynical I see. Withdrawal symptoms of missing a certain cute little platypus. We always hope that someone will be there for you when unforseen circumstances occur. Maybe just to bitch abt it, maybe go down to your side and lend you some comfort. Even hold you in their arms and tell you its alright. Today was one such day. Yeah call me insecure, but despite all the hardcore pai kia you see in me... I'm frail deep down, mayhaps even...

It's been a while. And we all wonder what we have been doing. Sorry hx that during the time you're home I wasn't able to arrange for a time to meet up. I cannot express how sorry I am, especially with these years in between us; A gathering has been long dued. Just wanna let you know that the bond we shared years back still means alot to me, just that with stuff we all have to do each day, meeting up has become difficult when one refuses to make it a brief and half-hearted affair. Jw flew off yesterday. Strange I only registered it when I finally noticed the date on my hp today. Regretably I failed to arrange for another gathering before he went off...Sigh. Just finished my convocation...no, the convo was 1.5 wks ago to be exact. Donned on my gown, took many photos, and knew who your true friends are when they came down specially just to take photo with you even when it's not their convo.. Thank you Qiao... I'll be there next year when it's yours. Several changes...

:: Beautiful weekend :: What started off as an overnight mahjong session became a tv treat for me -- and then... a nice chillout session staking claims, and getting in and outta jail in monopoly. I'd missed playing these simple board games... missed using my brain in the name of fun and winning. It'd been all work and unfair rewards during the years i spent in sch, and finally now I get rewarded for how much juice i invest-- in the games. Granted I'm not one who'll make alot of noise in any one game, I enjoyed participating in the progression, and of course, the winning. Haha... Finally got to my favourite beach and was greeted by the april constellations. Been some time since I've last set foot on those sands. Perfect weather, perfect company. That's one wish fulfilled. Contented, i tasted bliss. I guess it's more of the feeling that someone would dote on you enough to bring you to where you want to go, to do what you wanna do together (that's a pretty...

Of ice, colds, and all that Zzzzs. Cold, where I sit, with the screen flickering and cpu churning hard to accomodate my typing speed. I wonder when it will one day just stop running altogether; cease service to this demonic owner who drives it too hard whenever she fights her mood. These days moods come easily. And in one specific color, probably a few variants - Black, gray, ash, dusk. It irks me... and at times like this, I wish I knew what to do. Lonely I sit, with thoughts as my companion. The radio sings, and I wish 'twas for me. I hug patchyblue, hearing your voice over and over again. Being understanding... I wonder how long ahead that will push me along this river. I can just drift... then it wouldn't take that much effort, or I can just forge on, knowing the cracks the water will drill onto my vessel. Or I can just sink. The arm hurts alot. I feel sad. But what can I do? Do I even wish to know what my options are? Work does alot of things to people. Does even more to ...

:: Two sides to everything :: As humans we no doubt get bogged down with emotional struggles now and then, yet the situation i find myself encountering with greatest frequency is-- The dilemma of what one should do/feel (and he knows it), and what he (uncommitedly) feels. Just like you have only a piece of cake, but there's you and your younger sibling. Hence as the older brother, you know its right to let the younger have it. Yet watching your brother wolf down that cake, you cant help but feel a pang of loss, and a sense of unjust/envy as the wave of hunger wash past you again. You push the latter thought aside...because you know you have done the right thing as the elder. But how long can you surpress those emotions as they scream louder each time you hand over the cake? How many times can you bear to do that, especially when the brother doesn't know how to share even a small portion with you? Does understanding the situation (being the elder) and the brother's character...

Sleep... Sometimes, it's those hours we finally get our well-deserved rest. Other times... we just get to run away from the world, and indulge in our own little niche I like to call lalaland. It used to be my solace, to be able to sleep and dream pretty things, because those dreams reflect so much happiness that life more oft than not was unable to provide me with. Yet these days, when waking hours are filled with contentment and joy, sleep becomes the most lonely hours of a day. Especially when you're asleep. But i guess its okay... I just have to start on little things I enjoy doing on my own during those times I wake earlier than you, or times when you're at work; It's really not supposed to be a sad thing to have some private time of my own. I probably just haven't gotten used to it yet. But will try. =) Meanwhile...talking about work... dunno wat impact the oncoming changes will bring, but not gonna think abt it, cuz it doesnt change anything Que Sera, nor does...

(Just) Some random mandoms Watched HOSTEL today, by Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino, the latter whose gore skills i kinda developed an awe for after watching last season's CSI special finale. Hmmm... i would say it was a good movie, except the excessive nudity and the porn. I mean... we get the idea that the organisation used sex as lure to get tourists there but you didnt have to show it in so much detail. Like how the camera keeps having a couple carrying on at the back (no matter how blur or small the space is on screen), while having the pimp advertise the hostel to the victims. But at least on hindsight the sex scenes werent that bad... nor rude or put off. Yeah so... go watch it peepz. These days... go past without much memory, but the general feeling is there... and cant really be described. The closest word is probably "happy"... but i think i already used that in the previous entries. Haa... time to get more creative... but probably not at this hour when im tired...

Threads of Time Time... passes too quickly when you're enjoying yourself, and that's seems just the phenomenon whenever we're together. It used to be we see the night become day too often while we talk online, and then to on the phone. But nowadays, too many times we see the transition of day becoming night, while simply lounging around, or strolling the malls, and eating practically non stop. I don't say this enough, but... my world is beautiful, morphed by your love, moulded by your gentle yet firm ways, and delighted, by your indulgence. And yes, coloured, by your sa jiaos... hee hee... But just as we thought time passes ever so quickly, there comes the irony of this bliss only two weeks old. Put in that way, it seemed only so little time spent together, when it feels like so much longer, and more. Two weeks is the whole duration of most of our exams. Two weeks is the contract of working with Barney. And those two events flitted past so fast, it amazes me just how di...

A Toast... To life. So many things have happened in such a short while. Kinda need some time to settle down the excited heart.. slow down the pace of life; Yet I'm convinced, this lifestyle is healthy too on its own. Cuz I'm happy. It's true... they say..that its sweet. Haa.. the feeling of no longer being alone. Being whole, being happy. Being smiley, being me. Though this whole development being unconventional, and I kinda started out with trepidation, I'm happy we took the plunge. And things being the way they are, I'm almost too happy each day. It feels just like... a new blast of fresh air. Here's wishing all my dearest pals out there... remember the joys of yesterdays, and look forward to more, tomorrow.

On my way to school today, and heard this song on p10. Nice... :: Sometimes love just ain't enough:: I don't wanna lose you I don't wanna use you just to have sombody by my side And I don't wanna hate you I don't wanna take you But I don't wanna be the one to cry That don't really matter to anyone, anymore But like a fool I keep losing my place And I keep seeing you walk through that door But there's a danger in loving somebody too much And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust There's a reason why people don't stay where they are Baby sometimes love just ain't enough - I understand this well... because despite all the love i gave, they left, because of my untrusting heart, and... you cant blame them when they've simply ran out of patience on me. Nevertheles.... this wasnt the reason why i had a lousy day. There was no particular reason actually, but if you really want reasons, its prob the heat, the rain, the fact...

Smiles are still the most beautiful For those of you who know me, the fact that I'm putting photos of myself here signifies something is extremely out of place. Ha... I dont know why but these pictures bring a smile to my face-- maybe because I had fun when they were taken. I dunno what changed me, but I do feel that difference in myself. I felt that I've given up entirely, because somehow he's no longer, or worse still, was never the person I'd thought him to be. So... I'd been in love and holding on to nothing but an appariton. That also highlights my error in judgement, which I mulled over for a while, but eventually shrugged off because I really shouldn't have such high expectation of myself; Must accept that it's alright to make mistakes, and be less of the perfectionist libra. (kor its libra, not librian, nor librarian!) 5 More weeks to the end of the semester, I'm not afraid to know how the world views me. I'm a slacker, who's going to ...

Phenomenons, omens, and you hock and i were discussing some strange phenomenons and stuff, like the 11.11 pheno, me and ernie's ability to sense each other's moods at times when we're really depressed, and also my sensitized radar detection of people i love. Lets take the more recent events. Just that day at comp lab, i was surfing the net, somehow frustrated at why the stupid computer cannot read my flash drive, when i just felt like turning to my right. And from the corner of my eye, i saw him approach, intending to speak to me, but that intention was quelled by a friend sliding over for a chat. I truly wonder what made me turn to the right... was it the detection of his presence? And why is there such a phenomenon? Then there was the bus accident. I was on the bus watching tvmobile when smth just made me turn to look to my left suddenly. Though I didn't register what happened until the bus driver slammed on the brakes, I did see how the bus smashed in the poor Hyunda...

All those lies... Some from you, and some from me Why, must lies be a constitution For us to move forward. It's lies which eventually breaketh us too And Now... none for you, and none to me. Sometimes I wonder when did it all start. Looking back it has been almost 4 days, but it seemed more like a whole 2 weeks altogether. The hurt has mellowed, i'm able to tell laoban and others who noticed my constituency that things are kinda fine now. Pretty thankful that workload was busy enough to prevent me from being swallowed by thoughts. This fall... is one of my own. But having said that, it doesnt cushion me against the fact that.. fen shou ni bu zai hu. Every girl hopes to be of some value to people around her you know? Sigh. watever.

broken (de)fences Its a habit these days to blog first thing i wake. Realise i kinda have stuff todeposit before facing the new day. Ernie's just got a hit. Probably going down like I did... wish he'll find his rationale soon and surface in time before air runs out. That day went bowling with rosie, walking through that yishun park was nostalgic and immensely breathtaking. The sky was dark, so dark you thought martians were landing. The wind whipped my hair forcefullly back in sudden pulsating voracity. I felt free, felt like someone was trying to reach me and tell me to wake up from my cocoon I'd wrapped around for the sake of the bowling session. And it was then, I felt opened up. No more him, no more you; No more of what to do with you, no more knowing I'll get turned down if I asked you out. No more woodlands, no more swings, no more candies, no more parks, no more excessive drinking, no more 12 kingdoms, no more maple. no more haircuts no more mothers. no more dota...

stairway inspirations Listening to the radio just now, while treating my beleaguered ankle... and heard some interesting stuff that made me think. Usually the last person we would want to see should something happen to us, is (sometimes subconsciously) the person whom we love the most. But this person might never be the person who understands you most, or even want to understand you. So we have people whom we love on one hand, and people who understands us, and stays with us when problems surface, on the other. Why not let the people who understands you love you? And speaking of understanding... we highlight the gender difference when it comes to opinions. It's easy to share joy. But for unhappiness, girls want to share everything with only the person they love. They want to tell them everything, anything, and gives them the privilege to access their hearts in that sense. Guys, of cuz, is the opposite. They wanna keep all problems to themselves, or they're willing to share with...

my swing the swing has your name on it... and that's what brings me back to it. I still see you sitting beside me, lounging on the soft rubber platform and laughing at my tease. I see you trying to take photo of me swinging; I see you challenging me to jump out of the swing; i see you teasing me into learning the monkey bar. i thought i could sleep after talking to lao ban... but the mind just keeps running, further and further away from oblivion. I didn't cry... dunno whether because I didn't feel that sad, or because i felt more than tears. I dunno. it should be a better decision for both of us. I shan't deny there was this feeling of relief that he feels the discomfort too. We'd been forcing ourselves too hard during that period... and his breaking point is, well, due. So it's time really. I'm just kinda hurt he didnt reply my msg... i really thought i deserved a "bye"...but apparently he thought otherwise. Well its ok... he's not the first ...

Windmill of our time I love windmills, whether their size or usefullness, the sight of one simply makes me smile quietly to myself. They are such quiet creatures, standing on their own, spinning steadily and slowly as they catch the wind. There's one in holland v... and each time i go there i look out for it. There's this small corner where I always order barley/chestnut to slowly sip and watch the blades spin atop the building. So cool. Gonna do that after the sem. I'm looking to restore the balance I had for the past few weeks. It kinda got disrupted when deadlines piled up, coupled with displeasure with my grp members' attitudes. Recently his return also contributed much to the topsy turvy of grains in my brain. He wrecks my world in ways I dunno how. Sigh. He has so much power and yet he doesn't know. Get to rest a while before the next wave of deadlines hit. I'm really going to grab the chance and rest man. Recently heard that wee got attached. So happy for...

rarely so... But missing you still. Like tonight. Don't know what brought up the thoughts of you. Maybe it's the wondering of how long you're going to spend there. Or maybe it's driving past your estate that brought back your image. I read the mails I wrote for you, and with each word I think I'm getting more and more dependent on communicating with you. I don't like it. Dependence stifles growth. Dependence claustrophobes the receiver. I want neither to happen, therefore I thank the past weeks we have away from each other. It clears my thoughts and allows both of us to breathe. It allows me to think what you mean to me, and how I should conduct things between us from now on. Maybe it has never been an issue to you, but to me, at least i now know what my feelings meant. The projects are making me frustrated; the members, their attitudes, their indecisiveness and sometimes the obvious "oh nothing, its alright ah". If it's not alright I'd rather ...

less names in my phonebook I saw her today... and i realised i still lookout for who she hangs out with. Realised these days that even though our general circle is substantially different, much of the people I hang out with are on pretty good terms with her as well, and each time they mention her to each other in my presence, I cringe within. I can't say I hate her, ok, maybe I do. But it's not her fault... just a twist of fate that led to the current situation. I'm to blame for today too. But things would have have been much better without her. I have this impulse to isolate myself from those who are still on rather good terms with her. I see them trying to convey msgs to her via their msn nicks sometimes and I'm repulsed. I can never forgive her, but I won't say negative things of her to our mutual friends, or compare myself with her. We each have things our friends hang around us for. I like my life now. Though in the midst of recuperation from the wave of addict...

Flowers for your grave Every time you touch me, It leaves a burning mark. And so my dying love, We shall touch no more. I have to let it go, All the promises I will never profile The lie that I decided to believe will evaporate, And I will breathe the fresh air of truth You will be a widower to my love, Unchained from the aching commitments You will not feast on my lies anymore, Stepping proudly out, into the light We should have loved till eternity, But time caught up with us Forever is now, And now is over I now stand tall, Looking down on a poor soul. Locked in what used to be heaven, Looking at what used to be me Now, kiss me goodbye, And accept these withered flowers The flowers and this song are for you, My dying love. You're poison to me. Everytime you re-enter my life, it ends up congealed. And I hate myself. You slip poison into my drink bit by bit each time we met up for the past few weeks. Gosh its only been a few weeks and the poison's already taken hold of my sanit...

Another night... Just another night... Another windy lonesome night Like all other nights... Without you. So whats new. Sometimes I wonder where you go. What you're doing this moment when you're not home. And why I am staring at your nick, almost as if willing it to turn blue. But so what if it did... there'll always be a busy/away sign slapped across that little blue chesspawn. And i back away. You're leaving soon... how not to know when you made it a point to broadcast it. I wonder what you will make of this remainder of your time here. Haha... not as if you'll never come back of course, but just a thought. I have too many friends leaving this semester... it kinda became a norm to say byeee chirpily. Take your time in coming back, alluvya, and soon it'll be my turn. Heeh. Vday is coming... and lucky you won't be around to feel the pressure. I devoted that day to work, whether it be a guise or not, but i did promise da to eat ice cream if he succeeded to as...

We've always been too busy to meet; too busy beyond our means to just create opportunities to have a lunch or two. Haha. Who are we kidding... its not the busy lifestyles. It's more of not having the habit of having each other in our life activities. But we feel much for each other still, each year when we meet up for that few hours, we bond like we've seen each other only yesterday. And it's this bond I look forward to each year. Chinese New Year. I love them... growing up together with them had been a wild time. Maybe when my lappy's fixed I'll post pictures of us here. =) ..--.. She sits swinging in the wind, Hair flowing, heart flying She feels beautiful, for he's looking Those eyes so gentle, turns the poem he wrote ironic. Dare not to love, Dare not touch, Dare not let more escape her eyes than should be She watches him... Drawn, to him whether like a moth to the fire or a bee to the flowers Knowing not to death, or happiness.

It keeps on raining, raining, raining. And I thought at first, that raining was pretty nice, the dull, cold mood so relaxing and soothing. Sometimes the excitement of being caught in the rain, challenging the speed of falling rain with your running to the next shelter. Then the falling sick. Haha.. But today the day is simply bleak, my heart still thumping painfully in my chest and waiting for my hands to stop shivering; I try to hide their trembling via typing. So just type and type and type and type. Just type. I'm breaking down, god help me, in this computer lab with a dozen other faces I don't know. But I cannot cry, because the tears will smudge my mascara, and I'll surely regret it later when the puffy eyes become the icon of attention. The lump in my throat as I read through the post caught up with me, and I made myself read every word twice, as if the first blow wasn't enough for a swift death. Every word is now registered into my mind, and so did the pain. We a...

Remember the Remembered Tonight's another partynight for the chills. Their tentacles so long, they freeze the air I try desperately to gasp in, in my attempt to survive this entry. I can feel them trying to probe into my mind, their evil plot to freeze even my thoughts and lay this body to sleep. For eternity. I feel my eyelids weighing down. God alone knows how long I've left. I understand now, that history will not repeat itself, for a reason so simple: Because we've changed. It's apparent you're not who you are before, and I, too, have recognised the enormity of decay that'd taken root in me, and hence urged on to do smth abt it. Therein lies my change: The ability to recognise and rectify. I admit...that the incident has had a great impact on me. Made me insecure, unable to handle betrayal at face value. Hence, the urge to possess, and unreasonable requests for 101% commitment. I have suffered the humiliation of being pitied from the betrayal, and the only r...

The Light Are those quality time we spent, Peals of laughter shared? Content. Just drinking in the sight of you. Feel so at ease simply within the vicinity of your aura. You make me smile...not from the obligation to entertain, but because I was truly amused. Happy. Such a simple word to describe my simple feel. And as the light was casted upon the darkened beach, the ghastly shroud dissolved. The little girl raised her head from the burrow she'd dug for protection, in search for that harbringer of light. What she saw was no angel, yet no man as intense. A spurt of happiness, so undulated and uncomplicated. She knew she'd found the light that would chase the demons away, but one she should never hope to possess. Despite the fears, she would have trust that this light would appear at her darkest moments and infuse her with warmth. Yet it would leave as subtly as it had come, once her wounds were healed. It would come, but wouldn't stay. Keep that in mind... And be at peace e...