~ Ephemeral Visage ~

When everything is nothing upon that cold slab of marble floor. Fatigue. It takes over my mind like a silent parasite. Closed my eyes I see no images... Not even how you looked When you turned your back to me. Dragged my feet as I headed out of the exam hall...Didn't feel like talking. Yet I managed a smile at yap who happened to cut across my intended path. Spotted you and our friends from the corner of my eye. You must be still discussing the paper. I didn't want to hear about the paper. I didn't even want to complete the paper. I totally despised everything around me then. I withdrew into a world of my own, blocking out the chatty discussion and answer comparisons all around me. They wouldn't be what I got anyway. Nesta appeared beside me. My world felt slightly warmer for a while. Then he patted my head and was gone. The warmth lingered for a while as I trotted towards the basketball courts, much like the warmth left from the fireplace even though the...

Follow me... Went for a walk round the mall, nothing much's changed. The giant xmas tree, the useless sales, the student crowds always walking too slowly. You feel like screaming from behind them to get their ass out of the way. No, I'm not in a nasty mood today.. just the usual mean steak coming back into balance. I'm relieved. Because without this side of mine, I didn't feel normal. I didn't feel me. Did alot of weird things because of this imbalance, and was utterly vulnerable. I wanted to buy Jeff's newest album. You know one of those china-imported ones selling real cheap. But then... I decided it wasn't worth buying a cd for those 4 songs I like even if its cheap. I need to save up. I need a job. There are so many things I need. Not want, need. Blame it on my crazy mood some weeks ago that set me on an inconsiderate spending spree. Not to mention the spending's not on shopping. Walking through Sembawang I was tempted to buy Westlife...

A distinctive reminder That cheeky smile... grimy face, checkered ball. Reminded me so painfully of you and your obsession with soccer. I think about you, and then I tell myself it's useless. Silly yeah, but you wouldn't know. I'm running out of words... but my mind's albumed with images. Some of our times together, others hallucinations of what we promised to do but could never quite get there. The hallucinations are getting more real each day. I wonder when I will simply dwell in them and never back up to reality. They are so very beautiful. Yet pride refuses to let me head towards this insanity. But I would think... letting go of sanity would be the most humane thing I can do for myself in this life. That unadulterated wisp of freedom, like the puff of the cigarette... you can feel the fume swirling into your system as you close your eyes. And slowly exhale.............you're a changed man. You know the fume will kill... you know a part of you wi...

Just leave... Breathe... And let it go. Stop all the lies... They're hurting you more than you know it Not him. Exhale... Do what you want. Don't dwell on the sadness... Embrace the cynism you manipulate so well Be mean. Forget about responsibilities Your life's too short to be burdened Be the person you were Loving your friends and yourself Forget the One-Love theory It is but a myth. Breathe... Let it go. Build your pyramid Lay down when the time is right. Nevermind if you didn't make it big You have no one to answer to As long as you're happy Those who ain't can go to hell. "What good is a heart when you don't feel it..?" Don't feel. Even if you do, don't ever show it. Cage your heart Lock it up. You have no use for it.

I've always had wings but I'm just not ready to fly. And now that I soar, Why is it I cry? You said you'll never hurt me the way he did "Look what a good liar he is, mommy." Why did you leave me in tears? Bless me with the strength to hold onto sanity These tears that run dry once again Let them flow no more... They're hurting my eyes. My unworthy prayers are nothing Compared to your pious devotees' But then again I never deserve this either So heed my first and only prayer For desperation has driven me to such means. "You're going to lose everything else if you continue this way," Sanity warns when he stays long enough. I've abandoned much in exchange for love Please at least let me have my pride back. Pride pride... Don't say "I've been crying a day" But "My eyes have a mind of their own." Don't mention "I just don't feel like eating" But "My appetite abandoned me today." It ma...

Coming soon is this movie The Forgotten, which asked the question of what would you do if one day all you held dear to you was erased? Everyone talks to you with sympathy and constrained patience like you have some psychotic disorder, telling you those things never happened. Would you fight? Or would you be convinced slowly because you don't wish to be abnormal in their eyes? Sometimes I wake up in the mornings feeling everything was a dream I conjured in one of those lonely hours. Only this time it seemed more real because I'm one step nearer to insanity. I'm scared that you are but only someone I've seen on the streets once or twice and you probably don't even know my name at all. Yet somehow my poisoned brain placed you as someone who loved and shared all those times with me. That's why each morning I open my eyes I would check my phone to make sure you're real.

Your night may be my day... And as the seasons change... Hey... I've got the pictures you sent. They were breathtaking... I cried looking at them. You always know what deals me the greatest blows. I can never hate you for forcing me to face stuff u know will crumble my strong fronts. Your gentle deep baritone, your soft knowing eyes, they always leave me trembling with emotions. "I know why you wanted me to bring back the sand...you want to experience a little part of what your friends have gone through, Live a little part with them, of them." I still remember what you said that I wanted unsaid. And you brought back the sand then. And this time round, these photos... they're as good as the sand I requested. Gave me a glimpse of how your life is over there, but unfortunately they made me miss you much more too. I miss you. Come home soon.

It's another chilling night out there...Lisa Ono's christmas album is on, and so are my mellow lights. With the soothing currents coursing over me... it's wonderful, just like a full body scrub. The only thing lacking would be an essential oil burner somewhere. Haa.. purely romantic. And hey, I'm selfish... I'm keeping this all to myself. Bleah. Okay okay.. reservations available... pls book early before long weekends and school holidays. Been hanging round people who doesn't appreciate such quiet sensual pleasures. I don't think they will last fifteen mins given this atmosphere... there will be a snoring orchestra. Well...you can't really blame them. They don't get to rest enough. Almost everyday was stressful reminders of deadlines and tests. It's time I pamper myself again... this quiet night.. need to restore my balance. =) It's wonderful not to care so much, worry about stuff, and just enjoy each other's company.