~ Ephemeral Visage ~

It seemed so long ago that we muttered farewells... I still remember the reluctance to turn my back to you or watch you walk away each time... But a day's gotta end eventually, we always have our last trains to catch. But what stays embedded even more clearly in my memory than all these, is your lack of emotions when you say goodbye. i often wonder if this is due to your cocksure confidence we will meet again, or nonchalence that it doesn't matter if we did or not. Anyway... I don't think I will ever get to know the answer... Because there will never be another chance for us to say goodbye... Just wanna thank you for those times together...sharing all we are with each other, until the very last minute when the bell to last train tolls.

Sitting amidst my dearest friends talking about anything and everything, so comfortably myself that my mind wandered somewhere else... to many places between splitseconds... some places I didn't even know I remembered. I realise what I wanted was not for people to listen to me. To be able to grab and earn the chance to speak among all the ppl speaking at the same time, sets the thrill. But sometimes... I just can't be bothered. Watched a wrong movie..or rather I went into the cinema with the wrong expectation of how the show is going to be. Gore and sadism usually put me on high, but Dawn of the Dead somehow didn't accomplish that. I applaud the gore, irony and sadism served blatently though, the music, the layout, and my favourite: The way the credits are presented. But something went wrong when all that was assembled, I came out reeling as if i've just gotten off genting's famed double 360 roller coaster. Enough about the movie... the weekend is here, and ...

Living past the past is truly a great experience... The ability to hold your head up high once more amongst ppl you know, some of them you have histories with, whether good or bad. The latter doesn't matter anymore, because I got the feeling right. I feel right being who I am, and today's dance concert proved just that. Confidence from within that gives me the ease to turn most of other's conversations into jokes, asking coy questions towards pointed anwers. And of cuz the wit to save any awkward situations and lame jokes. That feels good. (",) Hello... Welcome back on board~ This is deeV.2.1, an improved but similar version of whom ppl knew in 2000. I know a couple of you who will be happy when you read this. You guys are the ones who can feel the difference in me these days. And you guys are the people I'll always strive to keep up with day to day.

I know I'd probably regret this in the morning; switching on my laptop instead of heading for bed. Like serious drinking, I'm enjoying the cheap thrill of the process, and somehow knowing the postaction result will be one helluva headache enhances the thrill. I'm drunk, seriously, drunk from my thoughts. Those churning voices in my head swirling like cognac in a tasting flask. Except they dont lull you to sleep. They dont burn a delicious path down your throat either. Bittersweet lingering taste clinging onto your palates, you can't hide you've been drinking...nor thinking. So drunk yet so somber... 6 years is too much between... no matter how great the attraction nor how much there could be. You won't wanna sacrifice your years of experience to become younger; I won't trade my youth to be older. So I guess that's the way things are gonna be. Sigh...I really dont appreciate such tests to see if logic or affluence rules for me. There are consequ...

Those who were meant to leave, have left. Those who were meant to stay, have mourned. The music keeps on playing, Chantings incessantly loud. The bells are heavily towing, Death's consummation knows no bounds.

Shall there be truth between us, as two men? Not as friends, but as equals? There is an offer you will get rarely, Roland. Only equals speak the truth, that's my thought on't. Friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of regard. How tiresome! Stephen King, The Dark Tower - The Gunslinger "I dont know how I'm going to face him at the gathering." "I'm sure you can. I've seen you do it. Just that your tears will fall when the day ends." I guess she's the only one who will say that to me. Without reprimand, encouragements, nor accusations. As equals, we're bequested with the freedom of speech. I love her... in the special way of mine, that's not like how I love him. The similarity is I'm willing to do almost anything for her, no matter how tired nor difficult, I'm willing to try. And she's right... I did face him, though not at the gathering. Tears didn't fall, but I felt so weary. Maybe my ac...

Each time I close my books for the day, a dozen memories flash by. I'm trying to convince myself that it's no one's fault that things ended up this way. This distance wedged in between us is not a result of any of our actions, or lackthereof, in any case. At least this is applicable on my side. Not engaging in small talk when I see you online is cuz I dun wan to disturb you (after all the complaints that you're real busy), though I dont know why you didn't reply the messages I left you eventually from time to time. I sent them because I really wanted to know how you were doing..and unwillingly admit I've missed your banter, our teasings, your laughter. "I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, or tell you that But if i didn't say it, will I still have felt it Where's the sense in that?" -- Dido, White Flag Maybe I'm just pretending to be dumb, Maybe I'm trying to forget I heard the latest news... Maybe you l...