~ Ephemeral Visage ~

The Second is the nearest. Under YL's recommendation, I went to visit Ashley's fb photo for her pre-wedding shoot photos. A wonderful array of furniture, setting, and beautiful balance of simplicity that warms up the heart. Something not too modern, but at the same time a vivid reminder through the digitalized effects that times (Technology) is no longer as it was. You know how sometimes when you look at bridal shoots, sometimes there would be cool pics where the ppl don't smile at all? In her photos, there's brilliant smiles splashed all over. It kinda makes up for the simple dress and veil. And it really makes the people viewing the photos feel her joy in stepping into the next phase of her life. And I truly feel happy for her. Which is why I'm attending her wedding at fullerton coming 5 Dec, though I know the angpao is going to set me back by quite a big sum (its fullerton!)...I still want to go and breathe in some of the sweetness of this bliss. Then, probably b...

You.Me.Us? I needed you yesterday...but I sensed you needed to unwind after a day of stress. So I let you go join them for a drink, with encouraging words...and heavy breathing as I struggled to control my tears. I needed you tonight... but I sensed your urge to join them. So I let you leave, with a smile on my face...and pain in my limbs as I waved you goodbye. I'll need you tomorrow...but I know something will happen too. So I answered your question "Will I see you tomorrow?", with "Probably not, you're so busy"...and hope that you will say something like "I'll try?" But.....like in all things in life... Hopes are like wishes. You can never get what you wish for. That's why it keeps us hoping.

Pretty flowers I'd made up my mind to get an apartment, perhaps a condo, by myself. I don't think the whole apply-for-hdb-with-your-spouse thingy's gonna work for me, purely because I'm not the kind who can stay cocksure of things between a r/s while the contractors take their time building the flat. And neither do I want to be exiled to the tip of the island at Sengkang or Puonggol. So after making up my mind, I was happier. Even though it meant that pp will have no obligation to share that apartment/life with me ten years down the road. But at least I had a backup plan to take care of myself. =) However, recently I see little changes in our r/s. Subtle touching changes. Pp just told me how much he's saving/investing each month. He just shared his deliberation of sticking to riding bikes in the long term. He pointed out that perhaps I could try using "I think" instead of being so sure of what I was saying each time (even though I was smoking my ass throug...

Wedding bells - Had dinner with pp's friends today. Last I saw them was during one of their proposal party to the gf. T'was also on the same event that I found out from another of his friend's gf that they were also planning to get married. And today, the update was they had already held their Registry, and the actual wedding in Nov. So there we are, a table of 5: a married couple, a to-be-married male...and pp and I. The evening inevitably opened into the topic of wedding preparations, comparing their choices of bridal packages etc. I just felt...crestfallen. Sad because I couldn't ask questions like "so how much is an average package these days?" nor "which hotels are the more popular choices" without them asking when our turn is. At least this time the bride-to-be was kind enough to ask it with gentle words "So any plans for the 2 of you yet?" and subtly whispering the qn to me (thank you). If she had opened up the qn to the table, I re...

What do I do? What do I do, when you're away, and work occupies me no longer? The familiar long wispy tendrils of the toxic ink reaches out to me, tempting me to return to their pool of darkness and despair. It was then I realise, that I'm afraid of being away from you, because you're the light that floods the shadows at bay. Perhaps over the years I've taken the absence of darkness for granted. I've basked in the sunshine, smiling and growing, never once looking back, and inavertably thinking I was rid of the darkness once and for all. But each time in your absence, I see them lurking at a corner of the room, blowing their spores of misery out at me. Hoping, and waiting for them to take root. So....... tell me, what do I do, when you're so far away..?

A New Year entry This lunar new year is a first for many things -- First year I didn't go visit any relatives (and my parents actually didn't make a fuss!), first year pp and his family is spending it here, first year there was nothing interesting to watch on tv, and first time I didn't invite any friends over nor go to their houses. I guess times are changing, and my parents have finally given up on whether the relatives see me or not. I think they know how much I dread these fake masquarades of blessings...and I really rather forgo the angpaos than to see and smile to them and the tv. So yay, albeit feeling a little lonely, I do feel a great sigh of relief this new year. Finally have some time of my own. Nice start to a new year, I think. =D I blame the slight loneliness on the tv programmes, or lack of it, this year (i have almost 50 channels on cable and they have nth to watch from 2 to 6!? I find that a little too incredible). It might also be that since pp is spendin...

Reading into the future . It's the beginning of a brand new term, and challenges loom perilously ahead. Gotta be on my toes constantly so as not to get caught offguard by these rabbitholes. Though the general plan is to work this line for 3 years thereabout and scoot off, I still wish to maintain a good working relationship while I'm there. I've been wondering what'll go on after the 3 years. I guess its easy to picture myself coming home from work, cook myself a meal, watch tv, surf net, make some calls or finish up some work on the laptop, then pop off to bed. Then in the middle of the night, pp will come home from either work or his nights out with friends/colleagues... I'll wake up for a while to see that he's settled in, ask what time to wake him tml, back to bed. I think it's inevitable that at certain parts of the daily routine its gonna get lonely and quiet at home, for instance coming home to an empty house, and eating dinner relatively alone. But t...