~ Ephemeral Visage ~

Wedding bells - Had dinner with pp's friends today. Last I saw them was during one of their proposal party to the gf. T'was also on the same event that I found out from another of his friend's gf that they were also planning to get married. And today, the update was they had already held their Registry, and the actual wedding in Nov. So there we are, a table of 5: a married couple, a to-be-married male...and pp and I. The evening inevitably opened into the topic of wedding preparations, comparing their choices of bridal packages etc. I just felt...crestfallen. Sad because I couldn't ask questions like "so how much is an average package these days?" nor "which hotels are the more popular choices" without them asking when our turn is. At least this time the bride-to-be was kind enough to ask it with gentle words "So any plans for the 2 of you yet?" and subtly whispering the qn to me (thank you). If she had opened up the qn to the table, I re...

What do I do? What do I do, when you're away, and work occupies me no longer? The familiar long wispy tendrils of the toxic ink reaches out to me, tempting me to return to their pool of darkness and despair. It was then I realise, that I'm afraid of being away from you, because you're the light that floods the shadows at bay. Perhaps over the years I've taken the absence of darkness for granted. I've basked in the sunshine, smiling and growing, never once looking back, and inavertably thinking I was rid of the darkness once and for all. But each time in your absence, I see them lurking at a corner of the room, blowing their spores of misery out at me. Hoping, and waiting for them to take root. So....... tell me, what do I do, when you're so far away..?

A New Year entry This lunar new year is a first for many things -- First year I didn't go visit any relatives (and my parents actually didn't make a fuss!), first year pp and his family is spending it here, first year there was nothing interesting to watch on tv, and first time I didn't invite any friends over nor go to their houses. I guess times are changing, and my parents have finally given up on whether the relatives see me or not. I think they know how much I dread these fake masquarades of blessings...and I really rather forgo the angpaos than to see and smile to them and the tv. So yay, albeit feeling a little lonely, I do feel a great sigh of relief this new year. Finally have some time of my own. Nice start to a new year, I think. =D I blame the slight loneliness on the tv programmes, or lack of it, this year (i have almost 50 channels on cable and they have nth to watch from 2 to 6!? I find that a little too incredible). It might also be that since pp is spendin...

Reading into the future . It's the beginning of a brand new term, and challenges loom perilously ahead. Gotta be on my toes constantly so as not to get caught offguard by these rabbitholes. Though the general plan is to work this line for 3 years thereabout and scoot off, I still wish to maintain a good working relationship while I'm there. I've been wondering what'll go on after the 3 years. I guess its easy to picture myself coming home from work, cook myself a meal, watch tv, surf net, make some calls or finish up some work on the laptop, then pop off to bed. Then in the middle of the night, pp will come home from either work or his nights out with friends/colleagues... I'll wake up for a while to see that he's settled in, ask what time to wake him tml, back to bed. I think it's inevitable that at certain parts of the daily routine its gonna get lonely and quiet at home, for instance coming home to an empty house, and eating dinner relatively alone. But t...

' Tis the season to be jolly-molly-wolly-golly. It seems that malls are capitalising on the Christmas season earlier and earlier each year. The year before when I was still working in Taka, they didn't start playing christmas songs until end of Nov. The huge christmas tree din appear until beginning of Dec. Now.... the streets are fully decorated, and xmas songs are streaming everywhere in all versions. Some so creative that I find....urgh. Esther and I were at the washroom in a shopping mall when she shouted for me to listen to the song playing on the mall system. "Its Christmas, Oh my God!" It went, over and over again, with a retro beat. I couldn't help but laugh at her repulsed "AiyeR!" when she figured out what they were singing. Finally its the end of the mad rush 2008. School has officially wrapped up today. Felt surreal when I stepped out of the office for the first time earlier than the admin clerks. Muaahahahahahhahaha~ The new year starts righ...

You know... I hate to look back sometimes. Especially when I've pulled myself so far out from the deep hole. Sometimes I almost manage to convince myself that I didn't feel those pain before. Probably the pain was just someting I felt when I put myself in the shoes of the female lead in the movie. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to leave those behind. Just like I'll be happy to leave the dark clutches of drugs. And yeah, the pain is equally addictive. I'm also happy that I'm able to give myself a chance. More importantly, my friends are supportive and still see me as me. They don't bring up the past, even if it's to say "I like your present persona better". Thank you friends. Discovered this little folder in my hotmail today. I think the reason why I've not seen it until today is because it has been covered with layers and layers of byte-dust. When I saw that queer little folder, something at the back of my head recognised it as my creat...

So many things to do, so little time. It's the weekend again, just as quickly as the week passes, the 2 meagre days of rest will inevitably breeze past before we can say "tgif". So many things happening, so little opportunities to jot them down. School has started, and it's almost well into the 7th week by now. My class is still ok, though I think others think they're a rather challenging bunch because of that one or two of them. I guess its good training, but it wears me out on some days. And I think I'm starting to understand and experience first-hand the terminology so commonly used: --- Retail THERAPY. I don't spend alot like my friends. It's just that feeling when you deliberate between which color, which brand to buy, that is relaxing because it uses only 20% brainpower compared to the vexing decisions you have to make each day on the balls of your toes. Sometimes we don't even have choices; we just suck it up and carry stuff out head-on, no...