~ Ephemeral Visage ~

It's the season to turn 21 Yesterday was shuhui's birthday celebration. Yeah she celebrated it early with mit and I... had lotsa fun eating at Sakura International Buffet. You ask how the hell 3 gers find so much fun each time we meet up? Haha.. first we couldn't find the lift to go up to the restaurant; could only see the signboard from where we were. Circled the building couple of times but in vain... felt like a complete fool especially when we climbed the dark stairway and encountered a nutcase uncle looking for macdonalds. Called the restaurant and they told us to look out for lifts beside a spectacle store... but i swear there was nothing beside the optician. So pissed as I was, I grabbed a lady outside the optician and asked for directions. Turned out the lift was beside a BRA STORE... wow... big giant spectacles INDEED... in many colors and sizes summore. Wow~ food at the International buffet restaurant was rather nice, alot of choices, but they're sorta lacking...

Love song for the loner Had a dream... That I spent some happy times with a guy that makes sharing laughter possible. The feeling was wonderful; to be able to laugh unexpectedly, with him, rolling with laughter uncontrollably at silly things we do together. But as I knew more about him, it was clear he belongs to another. They've been together for quite some time now... he sorta took it for granted that they'll stay that way. He's starting to venture elsewhere for adventure, excitement that courtship and hazy relationships might bring. There has been many before me, but this time he's really caught himself too deep. We share too much. He cares too much. Before we could figure out what to do, or what(or who) he really wants, she knew about it. She left and avoided him. He was frantic... he became a total wreck.. he was... insane. Seeing him like this... it pains me. I understood how much she meant to him. He just didn't realize it; Whenever I ask what his grounds wer...

A fragile surprise "Hey you know about JW?" "err.. nope. What abt?" "He passed away in a bike accident last week. On the spot." No, I didn't know about it... and it's probably because people didn't think I knew him. Well... I know him, though not on talking terms, I still remember his face. And at that moment when my friend informed me about this, his bubbly smiling face came into mind. Something jumped inside me... i dunno what it is... but it made me afraid. Life is, that fragile. You'll never know when you're going to lose the people you love tomorrow. And they would never know you love them if you didn't get to tell them before that. It made me doubt also how worth it it is to keep yourself healthy, abstain from excessive drinking, smoking, high carbohydrates, fattening food... when all it takes is an unlucky ambush, and a minute to die. So... smoke more, drink more, indulge while you still can. And go grab you phone and call th...

The Beginning or is it The End Your image is fuzzy. As I try to recall how you speak, how we knocked against each other and gelled then, I don't remember. Should I feel sad about this? Maybe...I feel a little anger at the realization of how you viewed me then. But it's not what I don't deserve, given the stuff I say and stuff I do. But now I know more. Though not yet as much as you do, it's ample for self-evaluation without bias. Screw it, I'll cross the bridge when it comes.

He's coming back Spoke on the phone with jeff today... and he mentioned ick's coming back soon. "Really? I thought it's June or July?" "Haha but in comparison it's soon enough." Yeah... it's soon enough indeed. Sometimes you really need a total distance between u and someone, and let things happen on their own. Separately. Then you'll be able to see many things with a refreshed perspective. I'm sure that's what he's seeing now too. A new perspective. He's a harsh critic of my life. Don't think I expect any less from him.

Watching 'Life of the Saints'... and I feel the irony behind the words. Life.... is truly unfair. But you just gotta live with it. Sometimes you give too much... only to realise it's unfair the way people just take it for granted how you stood there for them, take care of them. And when they feel its time to move on... they thank you before you part. You did not matter to them, as much as they did to you. Each of us have our own dark secrets. It's not how well you keep your secrets, but how well you deal with them. The ability to judge whether it is best to keep them buried, or reveal it to be truthful, is what differentiates us all. Will you guard yours till your grave? Or will you break under pressure? Violent reactions, tears, blood and shame... They come... but they're the truth.. afterall. And once again, each of us have our own dedicated endings... who knows you may get forgiven, who knows you'll lose your mind. Hate... does a whole lot in screwing us up. ...

Aimless thoughts under the cloudless sky Anyone ever caught yourself smiling at the clouds? Perhaps you simply didn't look up enough. Ever wondered how it looks like from the clouds' point of view? Looking down at the puny earthlings, meadowful of flowers they've watered for centuries. Anyone ever caught yourself reminiscing the past? Maybe you didn't look back oft enough. Ever wondered how those whom you've left behind are doing? Found new friends, improved social status, the very things you didn't get to see through with them. Just that day kitty and I were discussing after a tiring day of shopping, about this friend of ours. She expressed her surprise at the turnout. She'd expected the girl to be me. My response was a simple shrug... something inside me probably agrees. But then again, I cannot imagine that happening. To be honest, there was a period of time where something in me responded to him. But it has always been shrugged off because I value our fr...