~ Ephemeral Visage ~

They're back From time to time, phantoms from the past will catch up with you, and from there you realised, just how much you've moved on. Most of the time, you feel so proud of yourself. Other times... you wonder why they've come back. They were the ones who'd left you then. But then, why do you care...? They can't hurt you anymore. So it doesn't matter now that they're back and you're all friends again. Or can they? Will they work into your little heart again and hurt you once more? Will they melt your heart by saying they're sorry for all the stuff they've done? They're sincere indeed. You feel it. But do you just refuse to acknowledge it, or you hurl all defences out of the window and gift them a 2nd chance? It's all a test of the strength of the mind. Yes, sometimes it does work out the 2nd time. But being a cynic, I can't help thinking what those chances might be. I can't see the future. But I can hear my intuition screaming...

Kite Flying Sometimes... we give too much. We get tired of contributing. We hope to be able to get any amount of reciprocal. Just that nitty litty bit, to justify that all the givings weren't out of folly. Sometimes... we are too understanding. When we see them so tired, so in need of help. We don't bear to ask them to do things for us. We know it's the right thing to let them go home and rest. It's not right to ask them to do things for you, no matter how much you yearn for it. The art of give and take reminds me of kite flying... u gotta tug and release at appropriate times, and depend on the feel of the string tension. Too loose your kite will tumble; Too tense the string will snap. Don't tug nor pull, our kite will always remain at that height. If you're lucky enough the wind's persistent. But we all know the wind won't always stay around... so gotta catch winds on a higher path by flying higher. Sigh... I don't feel like kite-flying anymore. Wis...

Lonely souls & Silent streets. Please don't think of me If you do you gotta block it I got chills tonight And you can't be here to stop it I'm not a parasite It's just a lonely night Tonight. ---Robbie Williams, If It's Hurting You. It's kinda relaxing these days. Work seems so far away. The irony is, it shouldn't be this way. I see others' work piling up. But as I look at my workbin, there's no kanbans waiting for me. There are other worries...problems rather. Talks about plans, health, money. Much as hopes that life would simply remain thus, I know there's more expected of me, in terms of contributions, in many many aspects. I'm so sick of people's expectations Leaves me tired all the time If your home's full of useless aggravation Then don't bring it to mine. --- Robbie Williams, Singing for the Lonely. From time to time, these songs play in my mind. Yet Other times... The silence overwhelms them a...

Waiting for the right train. Life is... monotonous these days, as my pictures do tell. "Your pictures, they probably speak more than your words." Suddenly, his words came drifting into my mind again. Its about a trait of mine that I didn't realise. I smile. I don't miss him anymore... The days to his return seems to draw near with accelerated pace. 'Twas sweet the way he conveyed his reminiscence of me But I don't know what will happen when he finally comes back. And somehow... I don't think anything will happen after all. Because I don't think that's what I want... And neither does he. Haha. Okay so I digressed. I've a feeling I'm drifting along the currents... Content to watch others scurry downstream alongside, Waiting for something to happen. And something tells me... Many small things are gonna happen before the big wave hits. Gotta make the right judgements, not to be brought down by the small waves,...

Not myself these days... Like a drunken state of mind... I drift around aimlessly, Stretching awake hours endlessly Knowing non when to sleep. Guilty of self-contradictions Laid out and tried Jailed in my own abyss... Sentenced to life. And what a life... this is.

Remember the year past... with you. Hello 2005... Let's introduce ourselves, befriend each other like a bunch of freshies, and be kind to each other in the passing days. Last year during this last vestiges of the waning year, we were at a noisy Changi beach, trying our best to cook an emperor chicken, and watching nice transversites. Haha. I forgot who came up with the idea. Come to think of it... I haven't seen him for a year. That's 12 months, 365 days, a darn bloody long time. Which, I think, explains what I'm feeling now. Missing him. I will look back at 2004 from time to time. Will you? It was a year that held as much grief as it did joy for me. So nothing to hold back, let it wane. Slip through our fingers... like sand and grain.

I went away for a while... But nothing seemed changed except My love for Christmas. It seemed so much further away And less meaningful to be worth anticipation. Maybe the vacation changed something in me, Maybe I'm just contented with all I have to attempt to make life better, Or... maybe.. just maybe... I've become less optimistic, that's why X'mas seems less beautiful now. Think I'll take some time to pick up life(here) where I left off... It's debatable whether things will be the same as before, But at least I was happy during my time there, and I'm fine. But tired. Damn tired.