~ Ephemeral Visage ~

想念的心，装满了都是你 我的钢琴，弹奏的全是你 我的日记，写的都是你的名 才发现，又另一个黎明。

I can't talk to u right now.... I ask Him why u treat me so... Why can't I tear my eyes off u from the video... Why do u still affect me so much... I can't talk to u right now... But I feel like seeing u... As if watching u will make things better... Or maybe it will kill me and it'll be a mercy killing. Amen.

After a while... U just stop thinking... N all that's left is feelings... Just feelings. I just want to be with u. Doesn't matter how that makes u or any other ppl feel anymore. I can't think anymore... I feel the urge to go look u up... Alas I cannot. I already have the feeling I won't get to see u even b4 I set foot outta e door. Hope this time rd this trip will do me good. I dunno in wat sense but I just want to go back to appreciating the small things I get in life. Things tt many r too busy to notice. Like wat song the restaurant is playing during yr hastened lunch. I miss that tranquility. I want to share it with u love. That was my objective right fr the beginning... Sorry I lost my way in betwn. Not everyone will get a second chance. That's wat makes movies. Understanding this doesn't make it easier to accept. But wat to do? I'm a lowly mere mortal. And you're the prince. :)

我走了的那些夜，你要怎么过？ 为何她会在此时联系我？你们终于分手了吗？我可以这样期望吗？ 傻瓜。 上次的伤还不够疼吗？这么快又忘了？ 乖。 别想了。 没有可能的。或许是要结婚了？那你也得准备摔得更糟咯。有提前征兆是好的。世界对我还没那么残忍。 ：）Aunty, 谢谢你记得我。希望您身体健康，做得到个开心的妈妈。请原谅我无法回复你的问候，因为你问我好吗，这句话我既没答案，也不想问自己。上次因为尊长，回复您，结果受了伤。我无法不怀念你们一家，很想很想成为嘻嘻哈哈的轻松可爱家人。所以不要再上载有她的照片好吗？我看到的，不是全家福，而是你们接受她，她所得到我没有了而怀念和向往的，你们家的疼惜。 谢谢你们一直把我养得白白胖胖地，煮好吃酿豆腐和鸡饭。 再次地对不起，Aunty, 晚安。

It comes as a surprise to me that many of my friends are married. And I don't recall. I feel outta control and I'm a lil afraid of wat I will forget after the next session. Fear of the unknown. Will I see a friend calling my name on the train or bus, but I can't remember? What am I supposed to say? On the fair side... At least my friends married the ones they were dating as long as I can remember. :) hee. It's alright after the shock. I wonder if I remember how to fold my origami. Or play my fav songs on piano. Try out tml? :)

I seem to have forgotten something... Something real important that ppl around me knows but they refuse to tell me... I can see it in their eyes. This blank light blue patch in my head. I'm curious to know what has been taken away. It cordoned off, or dammed? I dunno. Doc says don't keep on probing the wall... Might hurt myself. :) okie...

Watched Swimming With Sharks today... Adrian Pang is better here this time than the last and only drama we watched together. The story isn't really fantastic... A lil draggy here n there but I found the content closer to heart. It made me want to buy u a winding toy. 'When caught in a rat race, remember to find time to unwind' ... We used to have Tomo. Pink or blue winding noddy. You recall? Does that count? I miss it in its shot glass. But I can't recall if yours is blue or pink. Did we have only one or a pair? If we had a pair, where's mine? (._.) I really cannot remember...sadded. My memory is really warped... Maybe we didn't have noddy at all... Sigh. Anything la.

又病发了，还是躲在这里，电话收好吧。

Saw some photos... Panic attack. Luckily I had my BFF clonazepam nearby. Looks like the rosé moscato didn't help. Mixed with Korean rice wine didn't improve the condition either. Kel said she saw signs that the world is ending coming to life from the bible. Yippie. No need to wait too long then. Sent out a hate mail (MSG rather) to him today. 'Enjoy your happy time while u still can... 过马路要小心，下雨打雷别出门...' Rot in hell, jackass.