~ Ephemeral Visage ~

:: Beautiful weekend :: What started off as an overnight mahjong session became a tv treat for me -- and then... a nice chillout session staking claims, and getting in and outta jail in monopoly. I'd missed playing these simple board games... missed using my brain in the name of fun and winning. It'd been all work and unfair rewards during the years i spent in sch, and finally now I get rewarded for how much juice i invest-- in the games. Granted I'm not one who'll make alot of noise in any one game, I enjoyed participating in the progression, and of course, the winning. Haha... Finally got to my favourite beach and was greeted by the april constellations. Been some time since I've last set foot on those sands. Perfect weather, perfect company. That's one wish fulfilled. Contented, i tasted bliss. I guess it's more of the feeling that someone would dote on you enough to bring you to where you want to go, to do what you wanna do together (that's a pretty...

Of ice, colds, and all that Zzzzs. Cold, where I sit, with the screen flickering and cpu churning hard to accomodate my typing speed. I wonder when it will one day just stop running altogether; cease service to this demonic owner who drives it too hard whenever she fights her mood. These days moods come easily. And in one specific color, probably a few variants - Black, gray, ash, dusk. It irks me... and at times like this, I wish I knew what to do. Lonely I sit, with thoughts as my companion. The radio sings, and I wish 'twas for me. I hug patchyblue, hearing your voice over and over again. Being understanding... I wonder how long ahead that will push me along this river. I can just drift... then it wouldn't take that much effort, or I can just forge on, knowing the cracks the water will drill onto my vessel. Or I can just sink. The arm hurts alot. I feel sad. But what can I do? Do I even wish to know what my options are? Work does alot of things to people. Does even more to ...

:: Two sides to everything :: As humans we no doubt get bogged down with emotional struggles now and then, yet the situation i find myself encountering with greatest frequency is-- The dilemma of what one should do/feel (and he knows it), and what he (uncommitedly) feels. Just like you have only a piece of cake, but there's you and your younger sibling. Hence as the older brother, you know its right to let the younger have it. Yet watching your brother wolf down that cake, you cant help but feel a pang of loss, and a sense of unjust/envy as the wave of hunger wash past you again. You push the latter thought aside...because you know you have done the right thing as the elder. But how long can you surpress those emotions as they scream louder each time you hand over the cake? How many times can you bear to do that, especially when the brother doesn't know how to share even a small portion with you? Does understanding the situation (being the elder) and the brother's character...

Sleep... Sometimes, it's those hours we finally get our well-deserved rest. Other times... we just get to run away from the world, and indulge in our own little niche I like to call lalaland. It used to be my solace, to be able to sleep and dream pretty things, because those dreams reflect so much happiness that life more oft than not was unable to provide me with. Yet these days, when waking hours are filled with contentment and joy, sleep becomes the most lonely hours of a day. Especially when you're asleep. But i guess its okay... I just have to start on little things I enjoy doing on my own during those times I wake earlier than you, or times when you're at work; It's really not supposed to be a sad thing to have some private time of my own. I probably just haven't gotten used to it yet. But will try. =) Meanwhile...talking about work... dunno wat impact the oncoming changes will bring, but not gonna think abt it, cuz it doesnt change anything Que Sera, nor does...