~ Ephemeral Visage ~

On my way to school today, and heard this song on p10. Nice... :: Sometimes love just ain't enough:: I don't wanna lose you I don't wanna use you just to have sombody by my side And I don't wanna hate you I don't wanna take you But I don't wanna be the one to cry That don't really matter to anyone, anymore But like a fool I keep losing my place And I keep seeing you walk through that door But there's a danger in loving somebody too much And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust There's a reason why people don't stay where they are Baby sometimes love just ain't enough - I understand this well... because despite all the love i gave, they left, because of my untrusting heart, and... you cant blame them when they've simply ran out of patience on me. Nevertheles.... this wasnt the reason why i had a lousy day. There was no particular reason actually, but if you really want reasons, its prob the heat, the rain, the fact...

Smiles are still the most beautiful For those of you who know me, the fact that I'm putting photos of myself here signifies something is extremely out of place. Ha... I dont know why but these pictures bring a smile to my face-- maybe because I had fun when they were taken. I dunno what changed me, but I do feel that difference in myself. I felt that I've given up entirely, because somehow he's no longer, or worse still, was never the person I'd thought him to be. So... I'd been in love and holding on to nothing but an appariton. That also highlights my error in judgement, which I mulled over for a while, but eventually shrugged off because I really shouldn't have such high expectation of myself; Must accept that it's alright to make mistakes, and be less of the perfectionist libra. (kor its libra, not librian, nor librarian!) 5 More weeks to the end of the semester, I'm not afraid to know how the world views me. I'm a slacker, who's going to ...

Phenomenons, omens, and you hock and i were discussing some strange phenomenons and stuff, like the 11.11 pheno, me and ernie's ability to sense each other's moods at times when we're really depressed, and also my sensitized radar detection of people i love. Lets take the more recent events. Just that day at comp lab, i was surfing the net, somehow frustrated at why the stupid computer cannot read my flash drive, when i just felt like turning to my right. And from the corner of my eye, i saw him approach, intending to speak to me, but that intention was quelled by a friend sliding over for a chat. I truly wonder what made me turn to the right... was it the detection of his presence? And why is there such a phenomenon? Then there was the bus accident. I was on the bus watching tvmobile when smth just made me turn to look to my left suddenly. Though I didn't register what happened until the bus driver slammed on the brakes, I did see how the bus smashed in the poor Hyunda...

All those lies... Some from you, and some from me Why, must lies be a constitution For us to move forward. It's lies which eventually breaketh us too And Now... none for you, and none to me. Sometimes I wonder when did it all start. Looking back it has been almost 4 days, but it seemed more like a whole 2 weeks altogether. The hurt has mellowed, i'm able to tell laoban and others who noticed my constituency that things are kinda fine now. Pretty thankful that workload was busy enough to prevent me from being swallowed by thoughts. This fall... is one of my own. But having said that, it doesnt cushion me against the fact that.. fen shou ni bu zai hu. Every girl hopes to be of some value to people around her you know? Sigh. watever.

broken (de)fences Its a habit these days to blog first thing i wake. Realise i kinda have stuff todeposit before facing the new day. Ernie's just got a hit. Probably going down like I did... wish he'll find his rationale soon and surface in time before air runs out. That day went bowling with rosie, walking through that yishun park was nostalgic and immensely breathtaking. The sky was dark, so dark you thought martians were landing. The wind whipped my hair forcefullly back in sudden pulsating voracity. I felt free, felt like someone was trying to reach me and tell me to wake up from my cocoon I'd wrapped around for the sake of the bowling session. And it was then, I felt opened up. No more him, no more you; No more of what to do with you, no more knowing I'll get turned down if I asked you out. No more woodlands, no more swings, no more candies, no more parks, no more excessive drinking, no more 12 kingdoms, no more maple. no more haircuts no more mothers. no more dota...

stairway inspirations Listening to the radio just now, while treating my beleaguered ankle... and heard some interesting stuff that made me think. Usually the last person we would want to see should something happen to us, is (sometimes subconsciously) the person whom we love the most. But this person might never be the person who understands you most, or even want to understand you. So we have people whom we love on one hand, and people who understands us, and stays with us when problems surface, on the other. Why not let the people who understands you love you? And speaking of understanding... we highlight the gender difference when it comes to opinions. It's easy to share joy. But for unhappiness, girls want to share everything with only the person they love. They want to tell them everything, anything, and gives them the privilege to access their hearts in that sense. Guys, of cuz, is the opposite. They wanna keep all problems to themselves, or they're willing to share with...

my swing the swing has your name on it... and that's what brings me back to it. I still see you sitting beside me, lounging on the soft rubber platform and laughing at my tease. I see you trying to take photo of me swinging; I see you challenging me to jump out of the swing; i see you teasing me into learning the monkey bar. i thought i could sleep after talking to lao ban... but the mind just keeps running, further and further away from oblivion. I didn't cry... dunno whether because I didn't feel that sad, or because i felt more than tears. I dunno. it should be a better decision for both of us. I shan't deny there was this feeling of relief that he feels the discomfort too. We'd been forcing ourselves too hard during that period... and his breaking point is, well, due. So it's time really. I'm just kinda hurt he didnt reply my msg... i really thought i deserved a "bye"...but apparently he thought otherwise. Well its ok... he's not the first ...

Windmill of our time I love windmills, whether their size or usefullness, the sight of one simply makes me smile quietly to myself. They are such quiet creatures, standing on their own, spinning steadily and slowly as they catch the wind. There's one in holland v... and each time i go there i look out for it. There's this small corner where I always order barley/chestnut to slowly sip and watch the blades spin atop the building. So cool. Gonna do that after the sem. I'm looking to restore the balance I had for the past few weeks. It kinda got disrupted when deadlines piled up, coupled with displeasure with my grp members' attitudes. Recently his return also contributed much to the topsy turvy of grains in my brain. He wrecks my world in ways I dunno how. Sigh. He has so much power and yet he doesn't know. Get to rest a while before the next wave of deadlines hit. I'm really going to grab the chance and rest man. Recently heard that wee got attached. So happy for...