~ Ephemeral Visage ~

rarely so... But missing you still. Like tonight. Don't know what brought up the thoughts of you. Maybe it's the wondering of how long you're going to spend there. Or maybe it's driving past your estate that brought back your image. I read the mails I wrote for you, and with each word I think I'm getting more and more dependent on communicating with you. I don't like it. Dependence stifles growth. Dependence claustrophobes the receiver. I want neither to happen, therefore I thank the past weeks we have away from each other. It clears my thoughts and allows both of us to breathe. It allows me to think what you mean to me, and how I should conduct things between us from now on. Maybe it has never been an issue to you, but to me, at least i now know what my feelings meant. The projects are making me frustrated; the members, their attitudes, their indecisiveness and sometimes the obvious "oh nothing, its alright ah". If it's not alright I'd rather ...

less names in my phonebook I saw her today... and i realised i still lookout for who she hangs out with. Realised these days that even though our general circle is substantially different, much of the people I hang out with are on pretty good terms with her as well, and each time they mention her to each other in my presence, I cringe within. I can't say I hate her, ok, maybe I do. But it's not her fault... just a twist of fate that led to the current situation. I'm to blame for today too. But things would have have been much better without her. I have this impulse to isolate myself from those who are still on rather good terms with her. I see them trying to convey msgs to her via their msn nicks sometimes and I'm repulsed. I can never forgive her, but I won't say negative things of her to our mutual friends, or compare myself with her. We each have things our friends hang around us for. I like my life now. Though in the midst of recuperation from the wave of addict...

Flowers for your grave Every time you touch me, It leaves a burning mark. And so my dying love, We shall touch no more. I have to let it go, All the promises I will never profile The lie that I decided to believe will evaporate, And I will breathe the fresh air of truth You will be a widower to my love, Unchained from the aching commitments You will not feast on my lies anymore, Stepping proudly out, into the light We should have loved till eternity, But time caught up with us Forever is now, And now is over I now stand tall, Looking down on a poor soul. Locked in what used to be heaven, Looking at what used to be me Now, kiss me goodbye, And accept these withered flowers The flowers and this song are for you, My dying love. You're poison to me. Everytime you re-enter my life, it ends up congealed. And I hate myself. You slip poison into my drink bit by bit each time we met up for the past few weeks. Gosh its only been a few weeks and the poison's already taken hold of my sanit...

Another night... Just another night... Another windy lonesome night Like all other nights... Without you. So whats new. Sometimes I wonder where you go. What you're doing this moment when you're not home. And why I am staring at your nick, almost as if willing it to turn blue. But so what if it did... there'll always be a busy/away sign slapped across that little blue chesspawn. And i back away. You're leaving soon... how not to know when you made it a point to broadcast it. I wonder what you will make of this remainder of your time here. Haha... not as if you'll never come back of course, but just a thought. I have too many friends leaving this semester... it kinda became a norm to say byeee chirpily. Take your time in coming back, alluvya, and soon it'll be my turn. Heeh. Vday is coming... and lucky you won't be around to feel the pressure. I devoted that day to work, whether it be a guise or not, but i did promise da to eat ice cream if he succeeded to as...