~ Ephemeral Visage ~

Roses for my birthday Think they're white roses. White, untainted, fresh, elegant. So not what I am. Coming is the day marking my 21st year of existence in this world. Entitled i am, to a one small wish. Will this year's come true, because 21 is an important number? I dunno. My wish every year since 18 has always been the same. When would I be able to move on to another wish? Would this year be the last I repeat, finally? I believe in the power of wishes. I believe in miracles. I believe in forgiveness. I believe you all didnt hurt me on purpose. I believe... if one wished hard enough... Providence would grant him his wish... maybe not entirely in the way he'd expected it to be, but close enough. I believe...I want to believe. Au contrary to what I said... I don't want a boyfriend. I just want to stop feeling the way I feel towards him, stop wanting to talk to him, stop longing to see him, stop making an irritant outta myself. It's making both him and I hate myself....

Epilogue When i first saw this picture, i was enthralled by the darkness of it.. the simple black and white lines of clover who represented Hope but eventually died without realising her dreams. But she looked past the bitterness and disappointment, and consoled herself that at least she got near. Maybe I was captured by the juxtaposition of the colors of gloom against what she represented(Hope), or mayhaps t'was my mocking response to her story that made me download it. "I would not have been able to..." I am bitter... more bitter that I would admit. Coupled with my superb acting skills I manage to cover up just about every ounce of bitterjuice when questioned by friends. I don't want to make them worry... haha who am i kidding... it's more of pride... i know i should move on, so make them think so. But the latter is doing more damage than if i didn't try to cover up. The soil i heaped on is choking me instead of keeping the bugs out. Bitterness. It hurts us ...

Mind of her own Need some beauty tonight. Been immersed too long in the air of those who exercise extreme intellectual brain activities; It's suffocating. I want to see the stars, splashes of blue, black, gray and white, the emerald green coastlines, the silent rain. I want to see life captured in stillness: Photos that literally breathe. I want to see fiction in pictures, reality in paint. I need a dose of beauty, a pinch of art to balance my life at present. T'was a serious temptation to paint my own, knowing I can, and it's been so long since I held brush or charcoal. But I don't have time to stop... caught in this ratrace I don't even know if light at the end of the tunnel exists. The radio repeats songs...just like life repeats my days. Each week passes in a flurry, just like the last. The content of each lesson is different though, but my feelings before and after each session remains so similar I oft loose track of dates. I feel being pulled along, because I ...