~ Ephemeral Visage ~

twining thoughts Got a little book of thoughts from a friend today... it reminded me of the times when I sat down in front of my desktop and words simply flowed from my fingertips, to become dancing literature on the occasionally-blinking screen. I thought to write a book too, but was daunted by the ridiculity that few years down the road I would look back, and feel diminished by the thoughts I may have now. Or maybe even then. Take an example... I may think that smoking is bad now. Even distanced myself from a friend some years back because he picked up the habit; I just couldn't accept it. Now, as I think of it, I'm still against it, but slightly more accomodating towards social smoking. Yet who knows several years yonder, I may be the one chimney I proclaim my very detest. When I look back, would I chuckle at my narrowmindedness now, or would I feel the pinch that I deteriorated to smoking habits, now hooked and buried in narcotine's clutches? Either way... I'll look...

Playing for none I felt Time leave me... Trapping me in void No fluidity of passage None could escape. Torn... like an estranged kite I lost... Before I could fight. Don't wanna end up like that. You have new friends now... I guess that's a natural phenomenon. When our timetables don't allow us to meet up, it's reasonable you get new friends. I would. But I can't help but notice... when I ask for just a day out, you're occupied. Are you avoiding me, or are you just tired? Even when i'm sharing so much, it doesn't seem enough... why? I'm not complaining... maybe it's true we're all busy; maybe I'm not one of your priorities; maybe you want fresh faces... but I hope you realise, your old friends need you, especially when none of us left each other. I just hope for those few hours that you may put aside for me... like I put mine for you.

-- silhouettes -- I said I'll let go... but i didn't think I'll let go of so many people, of so much. I let go of a friend... then another... and soon there'll be another another. Might as well get it over and done with... then no more lies... no more rehearsed lies to cover up what I truly feel. Would you still insist on a relationship that's no longer plausible? Yeah, indeed the definition of plausible may be subjective, but what wrong is it to claim it's not working out, when every time I breathe the same air as you, I feel miserable? Tell me what wrong it is when I try to discuss what went wrong, you simply say you're sick of my accusations; I'm being ridiculous? The harder I try... each time i try to be nice... I just end up being hurt. Why be this sadomasachist... why shouldn't I stop? Once and for all... just quit. That's what I did tonight... maybe the sadness hasn't set in yet, maybe it will surprise me by never setting in. I realise...

Leaving you the bouquet Now... finally after all this time... I let go, leaving Hope, dreams, and others behind, buried at a grave where you don't lie ... with a fresh bouquet.. and wine. Many things have happened. Or should I start with those that didn't. Pardon me for not writing... I'd been drowned, in tears so dark with agony, with air so thick you thought you'll die...and none to mourn my departure. I merely woke up. Sick and tired of being... sick and tired. Readjusting the radar screen was an action by choice. Try or no try, you'll never show up on the screen no more. -- Ernie. That seemed right... no matter how I try... no matter what I try... it would never be what I wish it to be again. I'll just end up being the jester, tripping all over myself just to make things work. This is just like another jt case. The harder you try, the harder you'll fall. Which made me wonder... who the faggot said 'He who never tries will never succeed.'? Why t...