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Showing posts from June, 2005
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A Little Girl's Post Images of how lovingly he looked into her eyes kept surfacing... how he held her hand when he didnt need to...the familiar way of how he lifted their hands slightly when they went down the steps. I made myself stay and take in everything. Haha.. maybe I'm really a sadomasachist like what some of my friends say. It hurts but I saw it through. Maybe.. he did all that just as an act so as to get the prize. But it still had an effect on me, though it's seriously not his fault. I really shouldn't be feeling the way I do too. So...feeling down, I went for a walk along clarke quay...past those many curious stares from merry-making people along the clubs. The bridge was nice... the river was a deep dark blue, comforting in its way. I know nobody realised I was gone, which was probably a good thing because I could be alone. When my phone rang I was half tempted to call up my friend to ask him not to leave, and take up his offer of drinking by the roadside. B...
Today... I cried. It was a wonderful day, really... until we decided to buy a packet of hair dye and I was entrusted the job. To say I screwed up was an understatement... dunno why I even agreed in the first place... but the color was too blond and the texture uneven. I suck at this man, peepz out there... dun ever tell me to dye your hair unless you can't get an MC to let u stay home for the next few months. Usually I would laugh it off after truckloads of apologies, even volunteer a salon trip the next day. Of course I'll pay for the repairs.. but.. couldn't withstand the response when my friend first saw his hair color in the mirror. I think I'm glad he didn't kill me. With what that sounds like sacarsm or even jeering, he muttered "I can't believe you let the dye stay so long". Okay, perhaps I deserved that... but when i volunteered the salon trip he simply slapped it down, "Don't be stupid la... I don't believe in wasting money"...
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It rained since that day Knowing this is not good to my health... im unable to draw back from its lures, dares, and possibility of unexpected pleasure. This drug is too sweet to withdraw from, yet like any other toxins it poisons my blood. Slowly. My mind's been saying I'll be able to pull out anytime if I'll just set my mind to it... but this may fast become a thing of the past. A very good showing sign of uncontrollable addiction is the familiar ache. It consumes my mind over time. I know if I don't back up slowly, it may just destroy my functionability one day. And I mean soon. It's damp and cold in here. The rain.... oh the elixir of life now seems the catalyst of death. The water's pooling around...waiting to drown. The wind whispers heresay, which sounds suspiciously like persuasion of death. "Maybe it's better than living. Just close your eyes and sink in. Think about it." ~~..~~ It's not quiet... I don't hear only drip drip... bu...
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Holding On Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there I do not sleep... Heard this song behind ALIAS the other day...though I only got to hear a part of it, these two lines have branded themselves onto my mind. June is here... and with it brings a yellow mellow to everything; Not the kinda sick yellow draft, but a bright, cheery, lemon-yellow sparkle. I see the 12 months in respective colors. Holding on... holding on... holding on to this new budding seedling of beauty, as I watch the world unfold anew. Now... if only there's someone I could share this with, Someone who'll just understand what it is that takes my breath away....... Just staring out the streets.