~ Ephemeral Visage ~

This lone existence With out sustenance Nights of solitude Waking to attitude Dreaming of happiness Reality ending in sadness Longing soon to see My place by the sea But empty it serves For none shares my surf My hammock swings lonely My heart beats quietly And the sun begins to set Another whiskey I get On the rocks for me Like my life you see A long, long time past Words I remember last An island never cries Maybe I’ve never tried A rock feels no pain Another lonely day I gain But still he I see So far away from me

I've placed my trust in you.. but should you choose to betray it, I have little else to say. Ask me not what my reactions will be... I know naught myself. But the loopholes of your betrayal shall eventually be evident, even if I'd wish not to see them. I love you. It's plain and simple. But why is it I feel the distance you try to put between these days?

:: Good and Evil :: -- by icl. Are humans born bad? or do they got misguided? "Come," says the whore, "join me in my bed." Towards her I go, although my legs have turned to lead. Are all men cabable of evil? Or does evil get bred? "Come," says the shadow, "join me, I'm the Devil." Towards it I go, although I should have fled. But without the bad and evil; How can the Good exist? Without the work of the Devil; What shall the Gods resist?

I'm tired. My body doesn't seem able to hold out anymore. Inhale... I feel the toxins gathering at my lungs, then surge to my fingertips as the heart struggles to pump while it still can. Exhale... The energy drains out. I need another dose of air. I'm addicted. To this world's poison. The sadism and pain stinks up the air It's all over the place. Inhale. It's hard to stay sober. Death or deceit. My favourite game.

I don't run, And I don't hide. Trusted no one, I'm sorry I lied. The shadows shift. The trees are laughing. They whisper what a fool I make With very rustle made. I tried... To scream my denial. The world's the fool, not I. I mastered the act'o deceit fine. No point trying to change my mind There's no empathy from one my kind. Bemused... I laugh at their confusion. The world's the fool, not I. I mastered the act'o deceit fine. A few my kind is all it takes To wreck this world with clever lies. I don't run, And I don't hide. Look who's crying, And the end who dies.

Trust (trst) n. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. It's a foreign commodity I'm trying to wring out from my heart. I wonder if it's there somewhere underneath those piles of bad experiences and determination not to fall victim to such naive emotion again. Or maybe it had already sublimed till simply not a trace left from before. I wish I could use the word in "I trust you", instead of superficially in "I trust you know what you're doing". Same way as I would like to say " I love you", and not "I love the way you do up your hair". You're spending the night out... And I really wish you could prove to me that I can trust you. Under this particular definition.

Why am I feeling this way? Why should I care if what I wrote or put on my msn nick will bring anyone unhappiness... ?!! I am depressed. I have the right to write what I bloody hell want to. I hate you for coming into my life. And now that you're supposed to be gone, I jolly well hope you're gone for good. For now when you cannot make up your mind and I cannot do anything to help it, I just wanna hide and sleep my days through. Even if the world freezes over, I will still accept it the way it appears when I wake. I don't care. I just want you gone. You're causing me hurt when I don't love you. What right do you have? I don't even treat you as a friend. Everytime I see you I just want to scream at you to get lost. Either that or I just want to turn around and leave. I want the freedom to show I hate you. And what I want, I'll work for.

Chanced upon Ed on TV last night...one of those rare nights I got to sit down and play with the remote control. There was a breakup scene between a couple of 7 years. She used the analogy of the fourth of july fireworks to explain how colours their relationship had faded. And I thought of the live fireworks. And how ethreal that 10 mins of explosive raining felt. In his arms. Watching his face upturned. My head resting against his collarbone. As the balls of explosives widened nearer and nearer towards us, I was amazed at what I was able to feel at that moment. The feeling of sharing something wonderful with the one you love. The knowing that someone else truly loves you back the way you love him. The beauty. The sharing. Just like a dream.