~ Ephemeral Visage ~

Once in a while...i allow myself to indulge in the dreamy sensation of being cared for, the power to feel wanted, to be protected, the way i enjoy liquor, in those rare once-in-a-whiles. Like liquor, it's important to know your limits, and stop before your world spins unto oblivion. It's dangerous to let go, because you'll never know what will happen after you're drunk, and friends you thought you were safe drinking with may just shapeshift into predators of the night. Dreaming is one thing, but making use of a friend isn't something I can answer to myself. So once again it's time to shake off those cobwebs of sweet dreams, before our friendship is affected as a result. Thank you, for caring. I'll strive to be worthy of that friendship you offer. =)

Don't misunderstand... it's not that you're not important enough for me to desire taking the risk. Surely you wouldn't want me thinking the same when you likewise didn't take the leap. I won't be pompous to assume I understand what's going on in your head. For all I know you could be referring to someone else. My instincts can be off from time to time. As I said it's not lack of chemistry between us, but that I don't feel like pushing. I'm satisfied with my life on the whole, albeit wishing for a shoulder to snuggle up to come those lonely nights... but that aside, I've my steady group of friends, and even better, can do well just on my own. I'm not unfamiliar with the game. I know the rationale behind those sms and outings. Neither do i pretend I'm ignorant of what they mean. But I sortof like the way things are now.. where we're close because you value me as a friend, not because you want more.

The last thing you expected me to say was 'let's take a break'...isn't it? I wanna tango, in the evening sun, the fading heat baiting the heat in my eyes, when you gaze simply into mine. Fluttering eyelashes, Racing heartbeats, Tango's a bonding, Strictly room for two. I wanna hold you, joining hip to hip, lost in the music you strum from me, drunk in a sensual mist. Sliding bodies, Caresses of silk, Let this spell bring, More than just moves.

Maybe I shouldn't be bitter, cuz it's my fault to even dream. Likewise for others who've left my life, I probably didn't deserve it. As i sit here typing letter by letter, my mind seeks to scan who I really have to fall upon if I should really fall. I've got alot of "i'll-be-here-when-you-need-me"s, but silence in times like these. Never promise when you can't do it. For it's an two-way insult: Your flippant attitude to promise, my lack of judgement to believe. Yes, I am pissed. At those who thought I only needed words.At those who took our relationships for granted. At those who thought it was okay to let me down. Now i only seek a salvation from labelling myself a fool for all the efforts I've put in based on these empty promises.

Great men fought for many things: Country, Pride, Friendship, Freedom, Belief, Love. Some lesser fought for Greed and Obsession. I'm no great man, and that's my excuse for not knowing what I'm fighting for. "They teach you how to fight, but they don't teach you why." "Humans are afraid of the vast emptiness of immortality." And its true "the Gods envy us because we are doomed. Because every thing we do seemed more precious when we may never be here again." At the same scene, with the same actors. Strangely, watching Troy and 3rd series of Buffy has gotten to me these days. It set me thinking all over about stuff...that I casted aside when my mind was shrouded with an emotional maelstrom. Both movies have their common characters.. Spike and Achilles. They both wanted what seemed impossible given the circumstances. They portrayed a fort of coolness, but do you see the tears they shed when they think no one is looking? Those haunte...

Those who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty nor security. -- Benjamin Franklin.

It isn't christmas yet, but here I am, suddenly overcome with the inspiration of how apt a christmas present my idea will make you. Hurt my back yesterday while helping out at the store..but i think i'm getting the hang of how to carry loads heavier than myself without hurting. Living in a world of my own, Resisting interruptions. No more reaching out to you, More surprises out of zero expectations. This year's rag theme is Sense, and it evoked alot of, well... sense in me, when i think about how acutely aware i am constantly of so many things around me at any time, while others don't. Is it me, or their nonchalence? Do you call it Subjected/Filtered Attention? Anyone can feel, depression, joy, misery. But how many can sense? How many look into the mirror and see beyond their own faces at the people walking behind your reflection? They say good communication comes from practice, the basic being a good listener, and that involves good eye contact. But th...

Despite the cuts and bruises, i truly enjoy what I've been doing these days... working my legs and arms nonstop and developing solid muscles. Hopefully soon it will be as solid as my dad's..... SHE-MAN~ *plays Final Countdown music*. Leaving for Bintan soon... and though ppl say that's a place for relaxation, to me it's a place to put aside all decorum and heck any consequences of loads of shouting, screaming, sunbathing, scubadiving, singing, sadism, (no sex although it's tempting to continue the list with a word starting with a "s").... Hey decorum may have been flung outta the window but i still have my morals... we should at least have dated once or twice. ("-.-) Ok that was a joke... *pictures green sea and sashaying coconut trees with a silly grin*