~ Ephemeral Visage ~

His intentions were blatant, and I surprised myself by accepting the invitation. The dinner was enjoyable...thank you very much... I realised what I truly want from now. Or who. And it's not this. *smiles*

I just snapped, like the ropes I was trying so hard to hang on to amidst the storms. I lost the boat to the currents, watching the waves herd it towards the rocks. I knew at that instant that things really ended then and there. I did try, I swear, look how my hands are blistered. Grieve I do not, pissed off I am. Very very pissed off. If you dare push the blame of losing the ship to me, I'm gonna stab you through and through. You were the one who told me to handle the ropes While you fix a sandwich somewhere warm inside How cold it was out here, you didn't even bring me a brolly Bloody hell you didn't remember the anchor! The ship was our efforts. Now that it's gone I guess there's no point staying back and pointing fingers. I don't care for explanations So busy that you neglected the ship So busy you forgot I was outside So busy you forgot the bloody anchor Dammit why didn't you forget your sandwich?!? I don't care how m...

Maybe I'm just dreaming, I thought I heard your voice You were calling me, softly. And I roused from sleep. But you and I both know, i'm no sleeping beauty neither will there be the happily-ever-after bliss. *grinz* My smiles are free. It's my tears that you gotta pay to see.

I turn around but I don't see you In the darkness that shrouded us This meaningless merry-go-round That was meant to rust. I've written so much unconsciously. Scrolling back on archives, there's a dull ache where the pain used to be, a veil over those that were angry. Perhaps to one, those words dripping icicles of sacarsm captured my angst and hurt, but they truly only represent the tip of a goddamn iceberg of emotional horror ensconed within. I used to play this game called Ice Climber on my Nintendo. For every level, there's certain obstacles you have to overcome, like knocking the ice off from upper layers in order to mount layer by layer, while looking out for evil penguins that hurry about filling up the ice you knock off. Sometimes icicles will form above and drop down, like the penguins, once in contact with the player you lose a life. Other than these obstacles there are the moving clouds you sometimes have to wait for to come before you can mount them...

If I said I feel your pain, would you believe me? Don't take it as pity, don't look away. Don't let me feel that you regretted letting me see That side that others feared to touch. I won't feign ignorance the way they did I won't change my opinion of you I won't tell you I've been through worse I won't make you hear mine. You look afar. You're wondering why you're telling me Things you vowed the world wouldn't see. You fear my warmth, I can see You fear to trust, I feel it. I'm just as afraid as you are It's dangerous to show I(can)feel. You mock a chuckle. You're thinking I'll eventually leave like the rest After this night is through. Why don't you start being fair to yourself, Give y'self a chance, believe my eyes, they're without wiles I feel with you, not for you, for just your smiles. I'm not God,(can't give you what you want) I'm not perfect,(can't show you ...

Figured since I'm online, might as well tell everyone a horror story. Imagine...there's someone out there, who wants to live your life as you, who plotted to get rid of you and become you, have your friends, your family. Visited Des's blog since he said he changed the layout... to find k's nick on his tagboard. Which means that she'll have means of accessing my blog since des has a link to mine. Sigh...it's ok, I handled it all very well. And thank god when I clicked on the link to my blog from his page it brought me to the old address. Means even if k saw anything, it was all of the past. But still it's quite alot. But then again, there's little more she can do to hurt me further. he is already lost to me. It's scary to have someone who wants live your life, to take everything you have, to BE you. I didn't mind sharing some of what I had with her, but apparently it wasn't enough. She wanted my position, my friends, my happiness, an...

unknowingly, this has been a happy sem... Weeks have been flying since school started. Maybe there's more holidays, more events, more laughter, more gatherings, more birthdays, more accomplishments, more contact with people who can make me really relaxed and happy. I see rei at least once a week for lunch, online almost every night, hikaru at least twice for thai, and I like hikaru's fren irene who goes crazy together with me each monday... grandoter for marketing, meow for mondays and wednesdays, da online often, ernie once a week, bra sms me often, my parents everyday, my grandma several times a week, my dogs everyday... *catches breath* my days aren't draggy and lost. I can't really put into words how I feel. Maybe I'm happy. Maybe its only contentment. But I'm smiling more...just lemme show ya~ =) haha... maybe credit for my happy sem goes to starting the new year the right way~ on lovely albeit noisy changi beach instead of sleeping it aw...