I just read through jt's friendster page, others' testimonials of him, and his recent picture watching a sunset. Ever since he left, I've watched many sunsets myself, and each time I recall our conversation a long long time ago over the phone, talking about our dreams, what we really wanna do, given we could do whatever we want one fine day.
We surprised each other by voicing out that we both wanna sit on a rocking chair by the house to look at the lovely sunset. But strange that it would seem, we never had a chance to do that during our days together. Sunrise yes, that once at Changi beach, but never the sunset. I'm afraid this shall be one pity I shall bring to my grave.
We're talking these days, over msn and sometimes brisque replies via sms. I'm not asking for anything, given what trespassed between us, it's virtually impossible to be close friends at all.
I was reminded by his testimonials that he's back to the person he was. The one wh...
Posts
I have seen what Time does to many people...
To relationships, to dreams, to us.
I'd thought it wise to put some distance between us,
(Well, it wasn't really up to me for choice cuz we're both busy)
But look what it brought us.
Often I sms, come online,
Hoping you'll be online and free to engage in small talk.
But now and then when you're finally able to relax from work,
We have nothing much to say to each other.
It probably would help if your responses were encouraging,
But somehow I felt that I was imposing on you with my jokes,
The more I said, the more lame I felt.
I gathered I better leave before I make a bigger fool of myself.
Is this the result of the distance I've allowed between us?
Was I wrong to allow it, backing it up with the excuse of being busy?
Or did I allow it, even encourage it,
because I was afraid to allow myself to care even deeper than I have now.
Well..Maybe I don't want to know the answer to the above quest...
There were days where I find that I really needed someone to talk to...about anything at all, just talk.
Today is one such day.
But then as usual...the people I wanted to talk to just weren't around.
Passed kim the cd before our lessons...
but he left after half hr of his lecture and I attended english the whole 2 hrs.. when I ended he was already home. Though he promised lunch some other day, I felt so alone.
I dunno how many smses i sent today.....
I usually do well being alone. Maybe today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
And the day gets worse.
I waited hours, but no one replied..so I hit the music from my md, blast it loud while walking through the new year market.. and didn't know I missed 2 calls....from people i really wanted to talk to. And they were only 3 mins apart.
Don't you find this too...dramatic? No one called when I wanted them to, and then they suddenly got back to me simultaneously at 5.27 and 5.30.
And I missed their calls, wi...
I have a friend...
(ok at this point in time i dunno where to start describing him.. (-.-')....)
Ok lets start again..
I have a friend,
he's a very very busy friend. As I listened to his recital of his timetable and things-to-do, my days seem to pale in comparison in terms of events and colours. But the thing is, he's happy being busy. "It makes me feel alive," he said.
He needs his friends to accomplish all that he involved himself in. And these things, he has interest in doing. But I was thinking... if so, he needs his friends more because of the work, and not for the true meaning of the word itself. Isn't that...sad? Sad more for the friend than him, I mean. If thus will you still be considered his Friend?
Heehee but I know if I ever pose this question to him he will surely have a counter-statement to argue that yes, they're considered friends in the sense of the word. Bleah.....*quirks eyebrows*
About his zest...he made me envious and je...
One should know when to draw a line for the extent of concern I guess, afterall we're only friends. I need my breathing space. Please gimme some road to walk away from time to time. Perhaps you were trying to keep the friendship, but what you made me feel now is an unnecessary leash around my neck. I'm not your pet. I know you're concerned. But as I said, and I will say again, I need my space. Especially since school's started these days. There's things I have to do, people to get in touch with. The leash stirs a sense of irritation and anger in me because I value my freedom.
Saying you'll be around when I need someone or help is one thing, but offering too much help especially in areas that suggests we're very familiar with each other turns people off, plus put them on precaution mode.
I'm claustrophobic, I don't want to be mean and start yelling at you when you close the walls in on me like that.
Knowing you meant well doesn't balance out ...
My emotions...
They're on a rampaging spree these days.
I try to associate them with the happenings these days, but it just didn't seem right to push the blame away. Maybe like what the newspaper article said, my diet lacked certain elements for the brain or body to produce stabilizing fluids necessary for balancing emotions. But if this is so I also dunno what to eat.
Food....
I just don't feel like eating these days.
I've taken a fancy to the new green apple fizzy drink by F&N these days. It's wierd, considering I didn't like fizzy drinks nor artificially sweetened drinks at all.
I'm sorry friends, I know I haven't been a good friend these days when I'm on this emotional seesaw. There's no definite problem that caused this turbulence. There don't seem to be a problem at all. Or perhaps it's everything that's the problem.
Last night I went into the kitchen, poured myself a cup of boiling water. The warmth felt so con...